FREAKIN PARODIES
by ZigmaZero
Summary: Story cancelled, except when it's not. Get outta here.
1. M S Painter

**I expect everyone here to have read FREAKIN GENSOKYO. This is a stupid fanfic set in that setting. Actually- if you don't, how the hell did you find this shit first.**

Just another sunny day.

I jump down from my bed, and walk to my closet.

My name is M. S. Painter. I am just a man in this present world.

"...Man, I feel pretty tired today…" I said, putting on my usual attire. It is the 16th of August, 2017. Today, I will travel to Japan to meet my employer.

"Hmm, it's seven? Quite late, to be honest…" I speak to myself walking down the stairs and looking at my phone.

I go towards the fridge. There are quite the shortage of food. Maybe because I'm going to permanently live in Japan, so I didn't buy as much groceries last week.

I grab a bowl of chicken soup from the fridge, and put it in the microwave. I fry some eggs and put it on a bowl of rice. I set them all by the side, and walk toward the TV.

...Huh? The window's broken… and what's that package by the couch?

"...Legendary Weapon of Self-Defense?" I look inside the box, and saw… a lone spiky ball.

"W-what the hell…" I hold it up. It doesn't look able to hurt anyone or anything, really. I bet even a mosquito can survive a direct hit from it!

Well, I bet it's going to have some uses, so I throw it into my personal backpack. Hope it doesn't poke me in the back later on!

And now, the food is finished. I happily took a bite. "Omph."

...Too bland. I need some salt. I grab my requested item from the nearby cabinet, and put in my to-be delicacy.

"...Ah." Much better.

I quietly continue to eat my soup. To be honest, what the hell was that package? Who, in their right mind, throw a Legen- um, _spiky ball_ , into another person's house? What a terrible time for my surveillance cameras to break.

"...Well, not like I need to use this house anymore. I could just sell it to the gov." I smile, and walk out of my home.

=Everyday Land of Reality=

I have arrived at the airport. Man, it's lively.

"Hello, Mr. Painter!"

I look to the right. "Oh, miss Hearn."

There she is. Maribel Hearn(She insisted on me using this despite technically being wrong), a girl in a college at Japan. She was my translator when I suck too much at Japanese. "How have you been?" She asks.

"Ready for whatever's in store for me." I give her a thumbs up.

"Nice!" She smiles, and walks to a blocked gate. "This way, Mr. Painter."

=Everyday Land øf Reality=

"He had prepared a seat for you. First Class." She leads me to a plane different from the usual bunch.

"I see." I respond. I do not know what else to respond, because I'm fixing my eyes on this painting I'm doing. Yes, I am a painter, like my name.

"The plane will go off in five minutes." Mary said, sitting in the seat next to me.

=Ëvéryday Land of Rèality=

Woohoo, it's land! Finally, after riding for whatever hours!

"We're nearly there." Merry smiled.

"Yeah, I'm so excit-"

KRING~BOOM!!!

"What the—!?" I look out from my window.

"—The engines..!" They are frozen solid, and quickly exploded.

"We are losing altitude!" Some random dude shouted out, hiding behind his seat.

Whoo. Being weighless is fun.

But apparently, I'm gonna crash. Goodbye world! See you in _World Hell_.

BOOM!!

=FREAKIN PARODIES=

Okay, fuck. How the hell am I alive.

Also, how the hell did I end up in the middle of a forest, with literally no injuries, and nothing but my clothes and my backpack. What.

"Oh, fuck this." I look up at the sky. "I~ think I'm gonna go find civilization."

 ** _*inaudible screeching*_**

Okay, what the fuck. That sounds like it's literally behind me.

I turn around, and come face to face with a black gooey abomination vaguely like a wolfman.

Welp, Mercy to Flee. I ain't staying here no more!

"Whoops!" I narrowly dodged an approaching stationary tree. Which the figure perfectly smashed right into it, causing it to fall down and hit it a second time. Not even abominations disobey the law of _Physics_ , I see.

Oh shit it's a fucking cliff-

Boing~! I land in top of a big mushroom, and bounce down to the ground safely. Hope they don't, like, grow in my throat or something…

Thoom! Oh, shit. It broke the mushroom.

...I know I should be, like, panicking in my mind, or body, or something, but uh, I don't really- wait fuck.

Thud. "Ow." I slipped. I get up, and start running again.

 ** _"*more screeching*"_** Oh fuck it's right behind me-

I grabbed a tree trunk and turn 90 degrees, narrowly dodging the thing's claws. "Woah!"

It crashed into a tree, but rebounded to me regardless. Shit.

"Agghh!" It slashed my leg. I fall down, unable to escape further.

Tch. Short life. I stare boringly at the creature, simply observing it's features before I go tell it to the fucking Grim Reaper.

Shing-Krang~!

Okay, what was that?

I look to the foreign object. It's… something shaped like the solid part of some plant hanger clashing against dark claws. And the one holding it…

...Is some woman- I think- in an outfit similar to a kimono. Except it's in camouflage. Man, I want to know who sell those.

"Wahaha, I observe another Outsider in their unnatural habitat!" Wait, she's a _guy_. Whoo, one paragraph trap reveal, if he could be considered that.

The plant hanger part from it, and the man arrive beside me. "Hoh, easy enemy much?"

The enemy screamed. **_"*jesusfuckmorescreeching*"_** It swipes down its claws at the man, seemingly unaware of my continued existence in this plane of reality.

 **"Flammen,"** He straightens his pose. **"Bügel!"** He then swipes his hanger forward-

Fwoom~! Flame is released from the weapon, and engulfs the enemy in an instant.

 ** _"*okayfuckyoubeaststopscreeching*"_** Ow, I think my ears are getting damaged.

I look back at the plant hanger guy, and he now has earmuffs on. Wow, good for him. "Heh." His hanger is burning brightly, yet doesn't extend to his hand. Is that… magic? I don't really know.

That thing run around screaming in pure agony for a few minutes, before the flames die down. I believe it's dead.

"...So, uh… who are you? And where am I?"

He poses dramatically. "It is I, Brad! The Plant Hanger Master!" He then stops posing and puts his hanger into a sack. "And this… is Gensokyo."

FREAKIN PARODIES=

"Gensokyo?" What a weird name, 'Fantasy Land'.

"Yeah, yo. Magical girls blasting each other outta the sky, a buncha stupid wolf bitches out there to eat you and promptly get killed by said magical girls, and the stupidest human civilization to ever exist with retards everywhere who got killed by said wolf bitches." What. "Also, _magic_." Oh.

...Wait. "So, I'm in a fantasy world now?"

"Me, that stupid youkai, do the equations." He shrugged.

"...Right." As if there are any equations that can calculate such a thing. Wait, isn't that the point? No, I'm sure it doesn't. Right, common sense n' stuff.

"Also, you must get to said human civilization to not get fucked up." Brad held out a hand. "Let's get there."

...But first, "I can't walk."

"Oh, right. Here." He throws a bottle with strange red liquid in it. "Health Pot. Gives Regen for a lil while."

I down the health potion. Wait- this- is this perfume? "Blegh."

...He turned back to look at the label. "Oh, right. This one isn't really tastebud-friendly." You should have said that earlier.

Also, my legs already healed, so I try to stand up. "Ah."

"Now, let's go. The youkai around here are quite weak, but they can gang up on me anyways." He walk towards a seemingly random direction. Uh..?

"Where are we going?" I ask. It is only natural to let him show me around this… 'Gensokyo'.

"The Village, duh." Brad answered. "S'nice for gathering the stuff and things. Your typical RPG store, really. Safe zone, too."

I see. He must have stocked his health potions from there. And if I'm lucky, I should be able to find a job and continue my joyful life, not having to bother with these beasts.

"Ohp. One moment, enemy approaching." He holds out a hand to stop me.

Kring~! The empty hand now wields… a plant hanger of the same model. Except it's of a black and purple-ish color, and there's a sniper rifle attached to it. I think it's a sniper rifle.

He look inside the scope, and his arm flare with some energy for a moment-

Fzoom! "Noob!" He spoke excitedly, as a very thin white laser fly off to the distance at what I assume is lightspeed.

At his back, a blur approaches him..!

Thwack! It is knocked away by a flying white pillow!

 ** _"*notbotheringtomutethenextonetho*"_** Yeah, this is getting tiring.

Brad switches to an attacking stance, his hanger seemingly changing to the fire one from earlier.

"Fire Fountain!" He points his hanger up-

Fwoom~! A fountain of fire engulfs the attacker immediately. Hey, if magic exists here…

"Begone!" I shout, pointing my finger outward.

A tiny magical sphere flies out twenty centimeters before fizzling out.

...On another note, it actually obeys me, wow.

"...Man, walking is tiring when you can fly." Brad explores the consequence of not flying.

"...Yeah, sure. You have any ways for me to not get absolutely obliterated by stupid Level 1 enemies?" I ask.

Brad strikes a thinking pose. "Fuck no." Then why are you thinking in the first place?

I blink, and he suddenly have a trumpet on him.

Toot!*

Suddenly, a neat mesh of tables, chairs, maces, strings of female underwear, and other things vaguely resembling a flying airship appears before us. It even flies, holy hell.

"Welcome aboard S.S. Big Obliterator, Neverending Economic Raven, known more by it's acronym S.S.Boner Mk.II~!" The Plant Hanger Master introduces his monstrosity proudly.

"...I think I'll walk, thank you." Fuck that name.

=FREAKIN PARODIES=

The journey was pretty uneventful.

"Hoh, seems those noobs finally decide to fuck off." Brad noted on the silence.

KRA-KROOM~! Suddenly, there's a loud rumbling in the area.

"...Oh." What oh.

"To think, that you would leave us so quick…" In front, I saw a tall lady with black hair and a blue kimono. "We really are of no value to you, aren't we?"

"Traitors… should be exterminated from sight…" Another girl that looks to wear a generic villager outfit for some old film steps up, a black wand in hand.

"Genkan, Maria, snap out of it." Brad gritted his teeth. "Otherwise, I'll have to use force."

The two went silent.

"...Then, die."

 **VS: [Generic Yuki-Onna] Genkan "Dominated"**

 **VS: [Generic Magician] Maria Yamada "Dominated"**

"Snowstorm!" "Starlight!" The two shout in unison.

Brad stays still. "Reflect."

A mirror separates the three, as the magic is repelled back into the sky.

"Kh…" The taller lady gritted her teeth, then holds out her hand. "Then, I shall fight you physically!"

As she suddenly appeared behind Brad, two icy cutlasses appear..!

"Hmph."

THUNK!

She is smacked away by a roundhouse hanger to the cheek, and slows herself to a stop like fifty meters away.

"I'm not the lunatic I used to be!" Brad raises his hanger, then-

Vrr~. Twelve identical hangers circle around him, ready to attack at his command.

Then, they fly off to the sky, as two more hangers appear in his hand.

One, a fusion of three hangers, plus a ring that gives off an aura of… nothing? I don't know how to describe it…

The other is… A hanger of rich gold. And sharp runes. That's… kinda it.

Overall, pretty underwhelming for a fantasy world.

Why didn't he bring out Flammenbügel?

...The duo approach cautiously, without attacking.

"Friend, no." Brad waves his hangers.

"Hailstorm!" "Fallen Star!"

THOOM-THOOM-KRANG! All the attacks strike him, but he didn't budge.

"..." The man remains silent.

"Fira!" The girl cast upon what I believe to be a Fire spell.

Fwoom! I was right.

"Modern Legend…" Brad holds his hanger to the sky. "Fairy Skullsmasher!"

Suddenly, the same hangers that fly up to the sky return to the Earth.

"What!?" The lady steps back, surprised. "Since when..!?"

The hangers fall around the two, then it glows with an orange-ish light.

BOOM! They explode, leaving only smoke, and the two defeated enemies.

 **Battle End.**

=FREAKIN PARODIES=

Perspective Holder: M. S. Painter

Title: Probably Artistic Outsider

Appearance: Long not-so-poofy-but-still-pretty-poofy yellow hair, wears a tuxedo, and have a rose emblem on said tuxedo.

Abilities:

None.

Spell Cards:

None.

Inventory:

Spiky Ball - Deal mediocre damage to target. Ignores all kinds of defenses, even ones that defends against all attacks.

=FREAKIN PARODIES=

Name: Brad

Romaji: ブラッド

Title: Professor Plant Hanger, Realizes All His Titles In FG Doesn't Apply.

Appearance: What, you don't know him? Go read the entire FREAKIN GENSOKYO until around chapter 109 or so. Actually, chapter one would do the job.

=-=

Abilities:

 **Fire**

• Fire Summoner - Effects vary. A spell cast by imagining varying shapes of fire. All of them deal fire damage, and may cause ‹Burn›.

— World's Wimpiest Fireball - The first spell he learned. Usable by imagining a ball of fucking fire and throwing it. Cost the least mana in his entire arsenal.

— World's Wimpiest Fire Stream - Charge... and... unleash! This spell is just a miniature flamethrower, by the way.

— Flame Fountain - Imagine fire erupting from the ground. It's pretty cool. May cause ‹Stagger›.

—Hellfire Plume - A jet of hellfire. Is hard to put out. ‹Berserk› the target.

— Flame Globe - A miniature sun, but with flames. Will explode if not given enough mana, and cause Bomb damage. Brad can maintain this spell for ten seconds at most.

Berserk - ‹Berserk› target for a while. Can be nullified by water or ice.

 **Seduction**

• Scent Pillow - A pillow with the caster's fluids materializes. When burned and inhaled, or shoved into people's mouths, may inflict ‹Aroused›.

— Euphoric Pillow - An arousing air surrounds the pillow! May inflict ‹Aroused›. Now we don't have to burn them.

 **Water**

• Water Stream - Uhh, why would anyone need this? Splash enemies with water. Cause ‹Wet›.

— Geyser - ...geyser of water. Send enemies flying, which probably isn't helping.

— Water Lock - Lock a foe in water for a short while. Probably the only useful thing in the entire water arsenal.

 **Holy**

Lumen - Big homing sphere of light. Costly, like most light spells. Requires Holy equipment.

— Candela - Literally the same thing, but controllable and isn't as costly. Still requires Holy equipment.

Cleanse - ‹Cleanse› one target of all debuffs.

— Purify - ‹Cleanse› targets of debuffs and buffs.

 **Dark**

Pulse - Basic dark magic. Stresses enemy. Lowers enemy's magic attack.

Revenge - Strength increases as HP decreases. Power increased by fifty percent for each defeated party member. Power doubles for each deceased party member. (Fairies do not count as deceased on Death.)

 **Earth**

Gaia Seed - Intensifies Earth's pull a little. May make targets slightly tired.

— Gaia Bloom - Intensifies Earth's pull, with multiple instances of hazy earth magic. Makes target tired.

— Gaia Sprout - Highly intensifies Earth's pull, with blasts of earth magic. Cause ‹Tired›, and may cause ‹Sleep› instantly.

 **Ice**

Tundra - Creates crate-sized ice spike. Deals ice damage.

Ice Shard - May ‹Freeze› enemies. Flash-freezes the air around the enemy.

 **Non-Elemental**

• Lucky Star - A star falls from the sky, and bonks at the enemy dealing random mediocre Damage. Pray to RNGesus for this.

— Lucky Star - A bigger star falls from the sky, and smashes the enemy dealing random Damage. Same instruction as above.

— Mornstar «Counter! Close Combat» - A dazzling star exterminates despair! All enemies engaging in close combat gets blown away by light and holy power. Plus, cleanse them of all positive effects.

• Hangerborne - Summons any hanger in his inventory to his hand. Is able to use any of the hangers' skills. This is effectively overshadowed by Brad's taught ability to switch any equipment on the fly.

Quick Swap - Quickly switches any equipment from his bag.

Flight - Flies.

• Quintet Jump : Frost Trail - Jump five times. May leave Frost in their trail. Vaguely hints of Ice, but isn't categorized as such..!

Panic - Movement Speed increases when HP is lower.

=-=

Spell Cards:

• Modern Legend "Fairy Skullsmasher" - Hangers fall from the sky with extremely high damage, at not-so-random intervals.

• Quadruple Hanga «Equip! Four plant hangers» - Requires five turns to activate. Launches a great magic blast at the enemy, then follows with complex danmaku shaped like three crisscrossing tesseracts and three 20-sided polygons.

• Hanger Arcanum "Professor Plant Hanger" - All of Brad's hangers do their own thing, while Brad shoot danmaku in a sphere.

=-=

Inventory:

• Bag of Holding, Rune of Regeneration - Remilia's old 'store anything' bag. Room-sized storage.

Stats

Regeneration is faster by 50%.

Weapons become 50% harder to break.

Storage reduced by 10%.

Weapons

• Flammenbügel - Fire hanger that burns even the greatest of sages.

Stats

-Flames caused ignore fire resistance.

-Increase Fire resistance by 50%.

-10% chance to cause ‹Berserk›.

-50% chance to cause ‹Burn›.

-Danmaku cause ‹Confuse›, ‹Luck Down› and may cause ‹Berserk›

-Ignites things on impact.

• Dihydrogen Monoxide - Water Hanger. Pure water. H two O. Controlled with Magic.

Stats

-Produces Water that can be controlled by magic.

-Water caused bypass Barriers, and does not conduct electricity.

-Increase Water resistance by 30%.

-Increase Poison resistance by 50%.

-10% chance to cause ‹Poison› after long exposures.

-Inflicts ‹Defense Down› and ‹Wet›.

• pH_fl0w1ng - Acid Hanger - Note: Must be used with water.

Stats:

-Inflicts ‹Poison› when used with water.

-Inflicts ‹Corrosion› when used with water.

-Increase Poison resistance by 10%.

• Typhoon Carrier - Air hanger, casting typhoons since there was one.

Stats:

-Allow flight.

-‹Dispel›s all enemies.

-10% chance to inflict ‹Accuracy Down› and ‹Evade Down›.

Increase Wind Resistance by 50% from outside sources.

• Fallen Comrade, That Which Should Not Be - A triple hanger fused together, with its earth affinity shining out most. Jackhammer-like. But, with the inclusion of a certain ring, it reeks more of nothing.

Stats:

-User bleeds longer and faster.

-Counts as a Jack Hammer. Probably.

-Moderate increase to physical offense and defense.

-Attacks become Nil.

• Yakumo Mirror - A hanger made out of what seems like glass.

Stats:

-Attacks lower slightly.

-Gain 200% magnet resistance.

• Ten Billion Bucks - A hanger of pure gold, fitting in a billionaire's mansion. How it ended up with this lunatic is beyond causality.

Stats:

-Lowers defense.

-Physical attacks are Electric/Holy, and becomes magical.

-Attacks bypass physical defense.

• Horseman's Rifle - A black hanger attached to a sniper rifle. Or is it the opposite way?

Stats:

-Danmaku deals Blindness.

-Gain 60% Fire and Ice resistance.

• B-9000 PLUS Bomber - A powerful bomb hanger with a NERF gun attached to it. Seemingly holds the power of a nuke inside it.

-Objects explode on impact.

-Danmaku causes explosion damage.

• Market Gardener - One hundred and ninety-five times the damage of a normal hanger!

Stats:

-Performs critical hits while blast-jumping.

-50% Earth Resistance

Fairy Harp - Weapon of mass Skull-smashing destruction.

Stats:

-Attack increases slightly.

-Inflicts ‹Accuracy Down›.

-Can play music.

Fragile Flower - Aesthetically pleasing.

Stats:

-Attack and Defense halved.

London Operating Cross - Summons a London doll. Able to use Medium-tier Fire, Ice, Electric, Wind, Earth, and Water magic. Have medium magical capacity, and may be replenished like a normal living being. Also shoots danmaku. Can be resummoned over and over.

Yin-Yang Flail - Not a copter any more.

Twin NERF Sword - ...Must be the Legendary Weapon's predecessor.

Armor

Camouflage Kimono - Doesn't actually help in hiding.

Stats:

-Gain 150% Ice resistance, 50% Freeze resistance, 50% Dark resistance.

-Lose 50% Fire resistance and Burning resistance.

Kaguya Houraisan - Pink dress with white ribbons.

Stats:

-Gain 75% Time resistance.

Yellow Race Car Helmet - Got really good defense for the head.

Stats:

Gain 50% Sun resistance, 100% Freezing resistance, 100% Blinding resistance, and 100% Electrical Stunning resistance.

Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space.

Stats:

-Gain 100% Electricity resistance and 100% Freezing resistance.

-Able to cast Zero Gravity.

Lunarian Prototype Space Helmet - A space helmet, duh.

Stats:

-Gain 50% Blinding resistance.

-[With Lunarian Prototype Space Suit] Gain 100% Electricity resistance, 100% Burning resistance and 100% Poison resistance.

Prototype Oxygen Tank - Attached to the Lunarian Space Suit. Usable for 150 seconds, and refills in breathable air.

• More Random Things - One knows not the true inventory of this man, not even himself.

 **={Parodist's Note}=**

After a long while of getting roasted at other stuff, I FINALLY get back to this.

Reason for redoing: Short chaps suck. that's it.

i mean we have to start somewhere right

as for why the last two charas to get into the story is so ooc you can prolly figure it out so YEAH

Have a fluffy happy day!


	2. Human Village 2 Electric Boogaloo

(in which the battle system changes significantly)

"W-will they be alright..?" I ask as Brad leaves the inn that now houses two more individuals.

"They'll be fine, they'll be fine. It's not like they'll die from such simple scratches, anyways." He shrugs, walking down the streets of the Village.

As it turns out, the "New Human Village", as Brad puts it, is a mere ten meters away from the fight between us and the two ladies. Why 'New'? Well...

"So, why is this place the 'New' Human Village? What happened to the 'Old'?" I inquire, to satisfy my curiosity, and probably some of yours.

"In short, it died." Brad notices a group of four girls gathering in front of an office. "We're about to make it get better, though." ...Okay?

The girls move towards Brad once they notice him. "You're late-ze!" The Witch declares, to which Brad responds with mere horizontal movements of his head.

"Don't be too hard on him. Out there's not exactly a place you can breeze through without trouble, y'know?" The other girl in a cosplay of a fantasy shrine maiden outfit-

...Ahem. The Shrine Maiden notes, as she steps in between the two.

"...And who might this be?" The French maid stares coldly at me. "...Ah, just another Outsider. How do we know this one isn't as corrupt as the others?"

...Hey! "I'll have you know that I have never disobeyed any laws of the country of the United States of America, as well as any of its states' laws. To give you an example, I have never whispered in a church once."

"...You are an absolute god." Brad steps away from me several paces. Uh..? I-I was just kidding, by the way.

"...Anyways, mind briefing me what's going on outside this Village? I simply am curious." I inquire, not expecting an answer.

"Long story short!" Brad immediately starts. "Someone's done shit and now the youkai outside have a quarter of their brain cells and triple the desire to make you not live!" ...Okay, I get that, but what else. "Oh, and an Outsider went evil and took control of the Old Human Village with the youkai."

"We kinda need to assemble a party, here." The Witch continues. "No matter how strong we are, if we get overwhelmed by them, it's over. So..."

She points at me. Oh, I know where this is going. "That's where you come in!" She declares, which is immediately countered by my rejection.

"No. I'm not a fighter, I'm an _artist_."

"But artists can fight, too!"

"Since when can artists fight!"

"Don't they whack others' heads around with their gigantic brushes?"

"Your view of the world is extremely distorted, there!"

Brad finally intervenes, seperating us and increasing the previously dangerously close distance. "Now, now, save your energy for the fight against _them_." He turns to face me. "Would you _like_ to be a fighter?"

...Maybe? I just stare at him awkwardly with a blank expression.

"It's settled, then! Welcome to the party!" W-wait, what..!? "Whether ya like it or not, an Outsider's always got some excellent skills we need!"

"You're kidding." I state. "I am certain that, as regular humans, unlike you, I am devoid of any abilities that may even be considered magical in nature, excluding certain types of magic that may be learned. As such, I am not a suitable person to join your party."

"Ya never know." Brad grins. "Now, then, let's have Sakuya here train ya a bit for the big fight."

Sakuya, the French Maid, walks up and-

 _Woosh!_

-I am now in a large crimson hallway. Many different types of weapons lay in front of me, ranging from a sword to a bag of potato chips. "Pick one." She states.

...Deciding a sword is perhaps the most intuitive weapon to use, I pick one up.

"Good." She nods, and a training dummy replaces the weapons. "Now, fight it."

...Fine. I walk up to it, and gives it a light stab. "Like this?"

"...I guess I'll have to do this the hard way, then." Sakuya sighs, before vanishing.

"Krh-grh-kalak!" The training dummy suddenly creates sounds, as it becomes a sentient enemy. Shit.

I ready my sword. Well, after all, I won't be leaving this place conscious if I don't fight seriously..!

 **Border of Duel, begin!**

 **M.S. Painter VS Training Dummy**

I immediately dart back to gauge the Training Dummy. Does it perform Magic attacks? Or are its attacks Physical? That information is key.

My question is immediately answered when the dummy simply darts at me. I meet it with the tip of my blade, manipulating its trajectory to my left as I turn around to face it.

"Kaluk!" It crashes into the floor, and bounces back. Its dead eyes stare at me like some sort of prey... Probably.

...Hey, I'm no Satori, I can't read it.

I charge in, attempting to shorten the fight. As a regular human, I don't have much stamina, so I must do what I can. "Haah!"

I swipe with the tip of my blade. "...Ah." Guess my sense of distance isn't polished enough with this.

Thump. "Gah!?" It headbutted me with surprising force, sending me towards the wall.

Sakuya appears, switching my sword with a giant paintbrush, for some reason. "This would work with your style." She says simply before leaving.

"...What gives..?" I sigh, as the Training Dummy charges towards me again

I counter the Dummy the same way I do with a sword.

 _Thunk_. This time, the force was evidently stronger. Evidence of this is seen by the Training Dummy rolling on the ground defeated.

 **Battle End.**

"...That went by better than I thought it would."

"It is because you have a natural affinity for this weapon. That Training Dummy possess an ability that allows me to pinpoint the type." Sakuya speaks, suddenly from behind me. "Now, Brad and the others are waiting."

 _Woosh!_

I am suddenly back in the Village again. Instant Transmission, huh? That's a neat ability.

...Y'know, I just realized what she said earlier did not explain anything. Eh, I'll just roll with it for now. "...I'm... back."

"Yeah, just in time!" The Witch speaks up. "We're about ta leave without ya both!"

"Yes, yes, what you just said is very true." Sakuya responds sarcastically. "We'd just catch you both on the trip."

"Let's just go already." Reimu shuts down the conversation, and starts walking off in a direction.

I store my paintbrush in my backpack and follow them as we head into the roads.

=FREAKIN PARODIES=

Perspective Holder: M. S. Painter

Title: Artistic Outsider

Appearance: Long yellow hair, wears a tuxedo, and has a rose emblem on said tuxedo. On his back is a brown backpack, with a giant paint brush escaping its storage.

Skills:

 **Human Adaptability** \- Race Skill. EXP gain increases.

 **Brush Mastery** D - Deals slightly higher damage with Brush weapons.

Spell Cards:

None

Inventory:

Spiky Ball x1: Deals minor damage. Ignores all defenses, including Invincibility.

Paint Brush x1: Brush weapon. Since the weapon isn't used by many, this was hurriedly made by Sakuya.

 _Current Party Members:_

Shrine Maiden of Paradise, Reimu Hakurei

Star Night Magus, Marisa Kirisame

Timeless Maid, Sakuya Izayoi

Professor Plant Hanger, Brad

 **={Parodist's Note}=**

No, it didn't take a year to write this, I just never wrote for 11 months.

Honestly, having three canon characters around is like "Ultra Mega Invincibility" so I don't think I'm writing myself into an asspull QUITE YET.

I also just realized this chapter has so low storyline that I can't even extend it along to 2k. Damn.

Have a super duper day!


	3. The Foolish Cloaked

As we depart, I take the next few paragraphs of text to take in the scenery of the New Human Village.

The shopping district, despite being filled with vendors, is exactly the opposite for customers. They all are sitting boringly, swatting away flies that dare to cross their path and overall looking mentally dead. Despite the surrounding area being only forest, the market reeks of the sea. ...No, it's just fish. I wonder how that can be. Perhaps they imported fresh fish from neighbouring fishing cities?

The residential district besides the shopping district is closed up shut. Most houses made of plywood, some of actual logs, and a few so decorated it's like an ingot of gold inside a trash can. A few humans walk around, fear evident in their every action. Most of them are wearing oriental villager garb, but a few possess fancier clothing. Most of them also has some kind of headwear, while all the boring humans are naked on the top.

In the corner of my eye, I see some thugs in a black cloak in an unsuspecting alley. I would've turned away if I was alone, but I'm with a maid with Instant Transmission, after all. If worse comes to worst, I can flee instantly, without leaving a trace.

 _Woosh!_

Suddenly, one of the cloakeds rush in front of us, immediately throwing away his hood thus completely making it lose all its purpose.

The now uncloaked man has a skinny ass build with neon blue hair and all kinds of rainbowy-style equipment. Hell, even his knife he's hiding in his zipper is rainbow. Did this guy suck EA's or something?

"Halt, ladieeees!" He pushes a hand forward. "I shaaalll not let you pass through here!"

...And, why exactly. Just... Why.

I step up to the front of the crowd. "I hope you have a good reason to mess with us, or I'm going to crack your skull." ...I'm not usually like this in my figure of speech, but a threat just happens to be a logical choice for this scenario.

He visibly frowns. "I hope _you_ have a good reason to stop my advance, or I'm gonna stab you with my Holy Sword!"

I- Please don't tell me...

I point at his zipper. " _That_? If you're gonna keep it 'holy', you might need to reconsider your storage choices."

The girls look incredibly exasperated, while Brad is grinning like a maniac.

The frowning turns into gritting. "And who are you to judge where I put my most favored weapon, sword-in-the-back boy?"

"And that is where you're wrong." For my weapon is not a sword, despite the wooden part sticking out make it seem like so. "What kind of sword has a wooden hilt?"

"..." He went silent. "A-anyways, stop getting in my way!"

"I could say the same to you." I respond in kind. "Unless..?"

He unsheathes his 'Holy Sword', and oh dear lord it's tiny. "You're sure as hell I will."

"I can't imagine his actual holy sword would be much bigger!" Brad jokes from the sidelines, apparently convincing the girls that I should be standing here alone.

...Great, my self-confidence just dropped tenfold without them behind me.

Thankfully, it looks like his isn't much better after that remark. Heck, his entire body is trembling.

Knowing the effects on his body, I ready my brush, holding it like a sword's guarding position. "What happened to your posture? Perhaps you wish to refute his claims? Or, just maybe..." I intentionally leave the last portion of the sentence blank.

That delivery was, quite honestly, terrible. I could've provoked him more through other means, but it was the best I could've thought up.

It works just as well, though. "Shut up!" He starts immediately charging at me with his Holy Sword, being extremely careless.

I pause to consider several solutions to this battle, then raises my brush _far_ above my head.

When he gets into range, I swing it down. "Hah!"

Thunk! As expected, he parries it easily. However, anyone with a brain would notice the extreme telegraph length of that attack.

When he was busy focusing on the brush, I had already put in my right hand the Spiky Ball I have. Now that he's parried the brush, his defenses are open, so I just throw my Spiky Ball into his actual Holy Sword.

...Shink!

"AAAAAAaAAAAaaaAAaAAAAaAAAAAaaaaAAAaaaaa..." Can't you be any quieter? That's a waste of word length.

Falling to the ground, the man faints on the spot. ...Now that I think of it, I never got his name.

I walk up to the spectators. "I'm back from demolishing a Level 1 Waste of Space-Time." I declare loudly.

"Good. Honestly... you _really_ did not have to provoke him. Just leave it to us the next time 'round." The Shrine Maiden is annoyed.

Well, I did beat him, so whatever.

=Freakin' Parodies=

"me no see no no" An extremely annoying dust doll mans a stand next to my current location. It's dusty.

None of the girls seem to be noting its existence, so I walk up to it. "What."

"wares"

"Wares?"

"wares"

"No, I meant what do you mean by 'wares'."

"wares"

"Are you an unintelligent life form whose purpose is only to sell dubious items?"

"fluff loafs"

"Am I suppose to interpret your answer as a Yes or a No?"

"waaaaaal"

"...Fine, whatever, just tell me your 'wares'." I concede.

I was about to leave when I saw the dust doll swipe across the stand's table, materializing many differet Brushes.

"..." I... I have no words. "...What... _are_ those?"

"paint brush. leaks paint everywhere in random colors. five thousand yen." The properties of one of the brush is explained. ...It is incredibly useless.

Ah, well, this could be used for modern art. I just hope the colors won't mix... "Can I test it?"

"if you run ima fluff your loafs" It's only a vague threat, but I get the idea.

I raise the Paint Brush, and swipes it in front of the stand.

...

5 minutes later, I have created art. "Deal. Here's five thousand." The money is granted.

"i must go now my planet needs me" It accepts the money, and the entire stand blasts off into the sky.

...Don't tell me I'm supposed to pick between all of those weapons. I still haven't heard of their properties yet...

Also, this damn paint is leaking everywhere! How am I supposed to sto- Oh, wait, right. My backpack.

No way is it gonna be my backpack! That'd ruin the leather! ...Guess I'm stuck to creating a predictable movement trail, huh?

At least it isn't an absolute torrent of paint, that'd be a disaster...

 _Dunk_. Ah, look, a convenient bucket! I can use it to store the paint leaking out for a little while...

I hold the bucket in my left hand, while my right hand struggles to tie up the Paint Brush with one of the backpack's straps.

Now, then, time to head back to Sakuya and the others.

=Freakin' Parodies=

"Oh, you found the fluff market!" Brad notes. "What's that drippy brush called?"

...Can't you see I'm suffering from lack of storage here? You really should be concerned! "...It's a Paint Brush."

He looks like he's dumbfounded. "...No, I get that it's a paintbrush, but what's the _name_?"

"I'm not going to dub my brushes cringy names just because I'm in a fantasy world. I have my standards."

"That's not the point..!" Brad interjects. "If you have two different items in your inventory with the same name, you'll be confused when you drag them out!"

"... _Leaking_ Paint Brush." I concede.

"...Good enough." He sighs. "Well, then, let's go already. I have my business to get back, y'know."

"Yes, yes, we understand, Mr. Bartender." The shrine maiden waves her hand in annoyance. "Anyone still have things to fetch before we go?"

As silence was about to envelop the party, she continues with a simple, "Good."

And so we enter the roads between the New and Old Village, barricaded by many layers of magical barriers.

The shrine maiden disperses them all, before entering the taken areas. The witch and maid soon moves after.

Immediately as we leave a few feet between us and the gate, a shriek is heard.

Several more follows, and five black beasts encircle us.

How unlucky. We have exactly 5 party members, and I'll be forced to fight if they're occupied with one of them at a time...

My prediction came true. The three girls practically went in all three seperate directions, and Brad charges towards one of the beasts recklessly.

That leaves me, with these two paint brushes... against an absolute human killer.

...This is stupid.

=Freakin' Parodies=

Perspective Holder: M. S. Painter

Title: Artistic Outsider

Appearance: Long yellow hair, wears a tuxedo, and has a rose emblem on said tuxedo. On his back is a brown backpack, with a giant paint brush escaping its storage.

Skills:

 **Human Adaptability** \- Race Skill. EXP gain increases.

 **Brush Mastery** D+ - Deals slightly higher damage with Brush weapons.

Spell Cards:

None

Inventory:

Spiky Ball x1: Deals minor damage. Ignores all defenses, including Invincibility.

Paint Brush x1: Brush weapon. Since the weapon isn't used by many, this was hurriedly made by Sakuya.

Leaking Paint Brush x1: Brush weapon. Leaks paint of random colors that do not mix with each other.

Paint Bucket [Empty] x1: Bucket of paint. Isn't filled up, yet, but if it's splashed onto someone, it can be used to create half a modern art.

 _Current Party Members:_

Shrine Maiden of Paradise, Reimu Hakurei

Star Night Magus, Marisa Kirisame

Timeless Maid, Sakuya Izayoi

Professor Plant Hanger, Brad

 **={Parodist's Note}=**

Aaand another one dished out at lightspeed.

Honestly, it's quite tiring doing these kinda stuff, but I had to release my excess ideas somewhere, since nobody's playing with me...

Anyways, tune in next time!


	4. T-Man, the Village Terrorist

(in which the first boss were revealed)

"W-what the fuck..." Brad looked at the center of the wreckage.

Marisa and Sakuya were already bound to chains, dangling in an _interesting_ pose. Reimu seems to not suffer the same fate, but are unable to continue fighting.

In the center of it all... was a man and three huge beings, each representing a giant form of the three mooks. The man wears a red shirt, jeans, and hold a shovel in his hand. The three beings were: a big fluffy being. (Will now be referred to as "King Kedama") A menacing looking youkai's head. (AKA "Queen Yakumo Yukkuri") And an abomination of things. (AKA "Ruler Chimera")

"B-Brad..!" Marisa looked at him in fear. "Get out!"

Brad just shrugged. "Typhoon Carrier, to my aide." Once again, the wind hanger happily put itself in the owner's hand.

Painter held up his Paint Brush. "Face the power of the _paint_!"

The man laughed at the weapons of choice. "Hah! Those weapons can't do anything to my elites! For the celebration of your demise, I shall tell you my name."

The man quickly hold up his shovel, filled with magical energy.

"I am T-Man."

 **VS Boss: Village Terrorist T-Man LV10**

 **ATK 150 DEF 700 HP 4000**

S a v e L o c a t i o n

"Let's take on the noobs! That brush leaks paint right? Spill it all over 'em!" Brad gives advice.

Painter starts throwing paint everywhere. It hit most of the bosses in the fight, and Brad also redirected the paint flying to the girls back at the boss.

"Huh, stupid paint." T-Man looked around. "Whatever. Get them!"

The yukkuri threw out chains upon chains of steel, the same as the ones used to capture the girls.

 ***Queen Yakumo Yukkuri** **used Easy Binding Chain!**

 ***But Brad blows it away!**

"Hah. Not falling for that, _son._ " Brad taunted.

"Alright, is this enough?" Just as Painter stopped spilling paint all over the place.

"Good. You know why?" Brad grinned.

Painter started stepping back. "Uh... no..?"

 ***Brad used World's Wimpiest Fireball!**

 ***It becomes an exploding inferno!**

 ***T-Man's party was knocked out instantly!**

"Woohoo! We won, dude!"Brad jumped up and down repeatedly.

"..." Painter smacked the Giant Brush at an enemy, dissolving it. He then does that for the other two.

 **Painter's LV rises up to 12!**

 **ATK** **25 - 75 HP 50 - 150 MP 12 - 24**

S a v e L o c a t i o n

"Pftoo. That was... interesting." Painter wiped sweat off his face.

"Yeah, if the girls didn't get chained I wouldn't see it comin'. Dick move." Brad said bluntly.

"...True." Reimu staggered up to the two. "Where have you been, all this time?" She said, exhausted.

"Oh, those guards can't clean up properly, so I helped a bit!" Brad decided to tell a kinda half-truth? Or is it the entire truth?

"Yeah, while you guys were chatting, could someone actually _break_ these for me?" Marisa signalled to the chains binding.

Sakuya cut herself down with knives. "I was about to do a sneak attack anyways."

*--*FREAKIN FLASHBACKS*--*

"I am T-Man, and this is your demise!" T-Man declared.

"Alright! Let's whoop 'em, ze! Master Spark!" Marisa raised a quick Master Spark at the enemy.

 ***Marisa used Master Spark!**

"T-Power!" The terrorist raised his shovel up against the giganto laser.

 ***The Master Spark was split to a T formation!**

 ***T-Man took 0 Damage!**

"What?" Marisa stood there, jaws wide.

"Marisa, get back! Fantasy Orb!" Reimu followed with her own spellcard.

"Useless!" T-Man hold to his shovel tightly.

 ***Reimu used Fantasy Orb!**

 ***The Yin-Yang Orb was cut in a T shape and bounced away!**

 ***T-Man took 0 Damage!**

"Tch..." Reimu gritted her teeth.

Sakuya walked up. "Allow me to finish this." Suddenly, a lot of knives surround T-Man from all directions!

 ***Sakuya used** **Knife Multitude!**

 ***Multitude 5!**

 ***But something blocks the attack!**

"Eh..?" Sakuya gave out a surprised look.

Suddenly, three huge beings surround T-Man, knives on their body.

"Finish them." T-Man de-man-ded.

 ***Queen Yakumo Yukkuri used Magnet M!** ***Reimu's party is drained of MP!** "W-what..? M-my magic..." Marisa collapsed on her broom.

"Marisa!" Sakuya tapped her stopwatch, but nothing happened. "Damnit!"

 ***Queen Yakumo Yukkuri used Easy Binding Chain!**

Unable to resist, Marisa and Sakuya were bound.

"D-dammit..!" Marisa cried out weakly.

"Reimu managed to dodge the chain, but are now alone, with next to no magic, against three youkai and an outsider. She wouldn't be able to win easily.

 ***Queen Yakumo Yukkuri used Sludge Bomb!**

 ***King Kedama used Fidget Spinning Tackle!**

 ***Ruler Chimera used** **Uniform Rampage!**

 ***Reimu took 45900 Damage!** "U-ugh..." Blown to the ground, she almost can't move anymore.

 _'There's no hope of winning... How can I lose..?'_

"W-what the fuck..." A familiar voice echoes around the room.

 _'Brad?'_

*--*FREAKING PARODIES*--*

"That T-Man guy has such a nasty skill?" Painter asked.

Sakuya nodded. "By the time we know how his ability works, we've already lost."

Reimu sighed. "Jeez, how do you even _counter_ that ability?"

"It's easy. Just use fluids to harm him." Brad said. "Even if you cut fluids in half, they'll regroup. Or fire. That works too."

Marisa interrupted. "Then how can he cut my Master Spark!?"

"...Light bullshit." Brad answered.

They are now in the Human Village headquarters, where the youkai hunters rest. After the Village's liberation, they finally have their hometown back.

"Well, to understand it, you'll need knowledge of--"

The party interrupted in unison...

 _"Shut up, T-Man."_

They also now have a new comrade on their side.

*--*CHAPTER END*--*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 6 ATK 75 DEF 0 HP 150 MP 24

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. 20 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. 10 Storage. (2/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

o=

Brad, Professor Plant Hanger.

LV 60 ATK 1500 DEF 1000 HP 40000

100% Ice resistance. 100% Freeze resistance. 100% Electric resistance. -50% Fire resistance. 50% Sun resistance.

EQUIPS:

Flammenbügel: A flame hanger that burns even the strong. Allows a variety of fire magic. 350 ATK

Typhoon Carrier: A wind hanger that freely controls the wind, to an extent. Allows flight, and a variety of wind magic. 210 ATK

Camouno Dark: A camouflage kimono with dark energy fused into it. 250 DEF

Sunrise Helm: A racecar helmet that is stronger than steel. I wonder why nobody makes weapons out of it. 400 DEF

ITEMS:

Sack: An unknown sack that Brad seems to draw his weapons from all the time. Unknown inventory.

Outsiders in Party: 2

• M.S. Painter

• Brad

• XXXX XXXXXXX

• XXXXX XXXXX

• XXXXXXX XXXXX

• XXXXXXXXXXXX

• XXXXXXXX

• XXXX XXXXX

• XXXX XXXXXX

Pure Emeralds: 0

Legendary Weapons: 0


	5. T-Man's Fluffy Day!

(in which t-powers activate)

"Aheheheh... Sorry for that." T-Man apologized.

"...It's fine." Marisa's face toned down a deeper level of red.

"This is awkward! I gotta do the things!" Brad stood up and walked towards the exit.

The girls quickly left soon after. After a while, only Painter and T-Man were left.

"So... What's your ability?" T-Man started. "All outsiders seemed to have one, even if they don't realize it."

Painter started recalling. "I seemed to be able to go beyond the fourth wall. What about you?"

T-Man laughed. "Oh. Right, you didn't see it. My ability is to cut things in a T shape and redirect their paths. A defensive move, of course, considering how weak us outsiders are."

Painter sighed. "Figures..."

"Oi, y'all!" A familiar voice shouted from the entrance.

"Oh, no. It's _him_." Painter grabbed his Paint Brush and pointed it at the entrance.

 ***Ekaj Llessur... again.**

"Haha! You may have defeated me by myself, but will you win against _this?_ " Ekaj made magical gestures at Painter.

Suddenly, spiked beings popped out from behind!

"Behold! This is the extent of my power over spikes!" Ekaj pointed a finger at the duo. "Die!!!"

T-Man walked up. "I'll handle this." He spinned his shovel around.

 ***Spike Familiar A attacks!**

 ***T-Man used T-Power!**

 ***Spike Familiar A was cut in a T-shape!**

 ***Spike Familiar B attacks!**

 ***Spike Familiar B was cut in a T-shape!**

 ***Ekaj prepared a kick! ...But decided not to!** "

W-what..?" Ekaj glared at the shovel man.

"T-Power, Trumpage." T-Man ran up to Ekaj and unleashed a series of shovel attacks!

 ***Ekaj was smacked out of the headquarters!**

"Hmph. Nobody'll miss him." Painter pointed out.

"What a dick." T-Man agreed.

*--*FREAKIN PARODIES*--*

"So this is the old Village... it sucks even more than the new one..." Painter took a glance around.

"Eh, this place isn't known for its furnishing. It was the only livable place in Gensokyo, after all." T-Man looked in the distance. "Hmm, it seems someone was here, too."

In front of them, a little girl is staring at a building. Her eyes were red, her black hair reaching the knee. In her hand was a wooden pair of scissors, radiating abnormal dark energy.

"What are you?" T-Man stepped up

"...I'm human." The loli twisted her scissors.

"No, that amount of dark energy is not feasible by a human!" T-Man readied his shovel.

"...You won't win." The loli pointed her scissors at T-Man.

"Hey, please stop, the two of you." Painter tried to halt the battle.

"im a loaf" A fluffle poked out.

"Trumpage." "Chaos Oath." Both said while moving to stab/smack the fluffle.

SMACK! "Waa~aal!" The fluffle was sent flying.

Painter stood there, jaws wide.

"...Glad we could form an alliance." They both shook hands.

"So, why are you in the Old Village?" Painter asked the loli.

"...I simply couldn't abandon my old work. That, and I arrived to see how the Village is doing in such a crisis." She responded, walking into an alley.

In front of them was an abandoned building, the board in front reading "Small Packages" in dry blood.

The loli went to unlock it. "I am the barkeeper, Irma Grese. Welcome to my humble abode." She went to the bar counter, and pulled out three glasses. "A drink?" asked she, pouring water for all of them.

"Thanks." T-Man swiped his glass.

"So, you are new outsiders, huh? Though I've met you before." Irma glanced at Painter. "Do you know this village needs identification?"

They shrugged.

"You know, since the Youkai-Human duality policy, the ID cost took ten thousand yen. But I suppose I can do that for free. I _am_ the Chief Financial Officer, after all." She took out several cursed wood panels. "Your name and race, please."

"M. S. Painter, Human." Painter spoke.

"T-Man, Human." T-Man set down his empty glass.

Irma took out a leaking pair of scissors, and pours it into the glass. "It will take some time before the identity encodement is complete, so please wait warmly."

T-Man nodded, before receiving the glass. "So, what happened in this village?"

She took a glance outside, before speaking. "A week ago, a group of normally peaceful beings became hostile. Accompanied by unknown youkai, they breached through the defenses."

"In a last effort to preserve Gensokyo, the Gensou no Alliance, led by the Sages themselves, created a new village for humans, protected by several defense mechanisms. The old Village was overrun, of course." Irma took her time to drink some water. "Now, the Incident resolvers arrive to solve the issue, and here we are."

"Who's the culprit in this incident?" Painter asked.

"You were there when they discussed it. No trace of a culprit. If the Sages weren't allying, they would probably suspect them." Irma looked at the abandoned bar. "...Though, there were some things here and there which leads to an individual called **Seraph** **Nine**. Of course, it's probably not _her_. But one can imagine, right?"

T-Man looked at her, confused.

"Well, I suppose we should leave before someone decided _we_ are the culprit. May we meet again." Irma walked to the back of the bar.

*--*FREAKIN GENSOKYO*--*

Back at the New Human Village, Painter looked at the shop stalls. They were _littered_ with junk weapons, with few special weapons lying here and there.

"What the hell is all this junk..." Painter said, passing Good Golden Grin. "Wait, what the hell..."

"A-AHHH!!" A generic villager, partially frozen, is thrown to the casino.

"A-are you... Who goes there!?" Painter shouted out.

In front of him was a fairy with six icicles as wings. Her presence drops the temperature by a few degrees, causing a big shockwave of heat.

The fairy grinned. "You may call me... Seraph Nine."

*--*CHAPTER END*--*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 6 ATK 75 DEF 0 HP 150 MP 24

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. 20 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. 10 Storage. (2/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

o=

T-Man, T-posing Outsider.

LV 10 ATK 150 DEF 100 HP 1000 MP 40

50% Wood resist.

EQUIPS:

T-Shovel: A regular iron shovel infused with T-Power. 50 ATK.

T-Uniform: A casual outfir infused with T-Power. 50 DEF.

ITEMS:

None.

MAGIC:

T-Power: [Cost 4] Blocks an attack by cutting it into a T-shape. Lasts one attack.

MISC.:

Twenty thousand yen: Muns. Usable in Gensokyo.

Outsiders in Party: 2

• M.S. Painter

• T-Man

Pure Emeralds: 0

Legendary Weapons: 0


	6. Gap Chapter! Seraph Baka!

(in which gappys gave gaming advice)

 _Kakimasa Will:_...Well. That happened.

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ I suppose the girls need a lost some day or another to reconcentrate their abilities.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ No, that's _definitely_ a Bad End.

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ Well, Brad and Painter did find a counter to that man's ability, doesn't they?

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Indeed. His ability don't work well against fluids.

 _Y_ _akumo Yukari:_ The power to split things doesn't work well if said thing could be recombined.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Resulting in his loss. Now that I think of it, he didn't really use any of the big bad guys.

 _Yukari Yakumo:_ He was unaware of the true power of Brad's [World's Wimpiest Fireball].

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Hahahah. What I find surprising is how he fought Reimu, Marisa, and Sakuya, and emerged vicotorious.

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ He got lucky in his matchup. If it was Mokou who got there...

 _Kakimasa Will:_ *sweats* Heheh... Let's move on to Ekaj Llessur's second fight.

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ Ah, that. Well, he was wimpy as ever. But I'll admit the spike troops were quite clever of him. Maybe next time, he'll attempt _summoning spikes from thin air._

 _Kakimasa Will:_ That reminds me of a certain person I know...

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ Hmm, indeed. That would conclude the self-review.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Please wait, Yukari-neesan.

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ What is it?

 _Kakimasa Will:_ It's Seraph Nine's fight next. Mind briefing on the abilities?

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ I suppose. Seraph Nine is a very powerful being, able to manipulate the cold. While she is just Cirno with a fancier name, her attacks are truly fierce. An attack could freeze any that dares to be on her way.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Well, that's good enough, I suppose. Also, Yakumo-nee, what's with "Good" Golden Grin?

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ *laughs nervously* I-I suppose we should end this here.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Noo~, what about your Golden Grin? We haven't talked about that yet~! Please, Yukari-neesan!

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ *audible sigh* Well, the old Golden Grin was overrun, so I build another one.

 _Kakimasa Will:_

What about those dancers inside? Were they hurt?

 _Yakumo Yukari:_...I don't like people getting their noses in my business, Will-chan.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Nobody does.


	7. As much power as there are digits of π

(in which... MEDIIICCC)

"You may call me... Seraph Nine."

"S-Seraph Nine..?" Painter took a step back.

"You are able to take back the village, I see. However, you will not be able to defeat me as you are now." Seraph Nine said menacingly. "Heheheh, you have a great fate. I will corrupt your future."

 ***Seraph Nine - ATK 999 DEF 999 HP 999999**

 ***The culprit of this incident.**

"Tch..." Painter gritted his teeth. He has no companions in the area, and he had no idea where Irma or T-Man could be.

His only choice is to run, but how?

 ***Seraph Nine used Everlasting Freeze!**

Painter swiped the Paint Brush at Seraph Nine while trying to flee.

KRING~ The paint, along with the air surrounding it, were frozen solid.

"Grrr..." The air dropped another several degrees, despite the distance between the two.

"W-waa~aall..." A fluffle stand is in the corner, the lone fluffle cuddling itself.

"H-hey, you! Show me _something_!" Painter ran towards the fluffle.

The fluffle, seeing Painter, quickly swiped the counter. The Eraser and the Fire Brush replica appeared, with a real-sized digital counter near the two.

"What is... _that?"_ Painter reluctantly asked the fluffle.

"output controller. manipulates the output of magical abilities of weapons. ten tho--" Before it was finished, it was frozen solid.

"...I'll take this, if you don't mind!" Painter waved at the fluffsicle, before running away.

 _'So, if I put this on the Paint Brush, I should be able to pour out enough paint to stall her!'_ Painter marvelously thought, while assembling the weapon, while also running away from Seraph Nine.

 ***Painter fused Output Controller with Paint Brush!**

 _'Your name is now... Good Paint Brush'_ Painter smiled at his naming skills.

"Oof!" He smacked a wall.

He turned back, and saw the fairy following a bit far behind.

"Okay... if I do this--" Painter attempted to tune the brush-

Spla-Kring! The paint rushed out, creating a weird frozen-in-air bomb of paint!

"G-good enough..." He decided, walking up the paint slide cautiously.

B-B-B-Kri-Kri- , the paint still flowing out and instantly frozen simultaenously.

Seraph Nine, a bit stunned by how he escaped the dead ends, decided to actually _attack._ "Icicle Whirlwind."

"Master Spark."

 ***Seraph Nine used Icicle Whirlwind!** ***??? used Master Spark!**

 ***Icicle Whirlwind was nullified!**

 ***Seraph Nine took 5000 Damage!**

Looking up, both of them saw a certain green-haired woman with a pink parasol in her hand, pointing at Seraph Nine.

"Kazami..." The fairy gritted her teeth.

"Cirno." She answered with a smile, but both of them knew that she was surprised and worried. "But first..."

 ***Yuuka used Secret Garden!**

 ***A massive flower wrapped around Painter and Yuuka!**

 ***Escaped...**

"Grr... that lady..." Cirno turned back, and disappeared.

*--*FREAKIN PARODIES*--*

"Hah... wh-whaa..." Painter looked around. They were in some kind of garden that seemed to spread out to infinity.

Suddenly, he was gobbled up by the flowers.

 _"You have escaped this time, but you must be careful. Because I cannot protect all Outsiders with this technique. Only you Outsiders are able to truly damage Seraph Nine. Take care, because you have no substitude."_

*--*FREAKIN GENSOKYO*--*

[New Human Village, Gensokyo]

"H-huh!?" Painter woke up.

Around him were the familiar sight of the oriental buildings of New Human Village. Some villagers are eyeing him.

"You finally woke up." A voice said suddenly.

Painter jumped up. "W-where's Seraph Nine!? Where's she!?"

Reimu glanced to the left. "...We don't know."

He took a glance around him. Several girls were around, looking at him, some with worry, some cheerfully.

All but one girl. She was an ice fairy with a red ribbon, a blue shirt and skirt, and wings a sheet of ice.

 _'...She resembles Seraph Nine..?'_ Painter tried to shake off that thought. "Uh... who're all of you?"

"Eye'm the strongest!" The fairy said.

"Atleast you should probably know _me._ I am Reimu Hakurei, the Shrine Maiden of Paradise."

"I am the Greater Fairy. Nice to meet you, mister..." Daiyousei greets him.

"Call me Painter." Painter shakes hands with him.

"Call me Yuuka." The same girl from before smiled.

"Nice to meet you, and thanks for..." Painter was interrupted.

"Haha... Don't talk about it. I was just doing what I think I should do." Yuuka looked back at Reimu.

"You don't seem like yourself today." Reimu remarked.

"My, my... Whatever do you mean~?" Yuuka had a warm, innocent(?) smile on her.

Reimu sighed. "Well, you were out cold in the middle of the Village square! Why..." While she was ranting, the ice fairy walked up behind her...

 **"Triforce, Fallen Comrade!"** An ominous voice rang out from everywhere.

Suddenly, with a surge of darkness, ice and earth, Brad appeared and smacked the fairy into a nearby building!

 *** _Seraph Nine_ took 10999 Damage!**

 ***Her attack power is weakened!**

Suddenly, the form flickered, and in its place the old form of Seraph Nine appeared.

"Hahah... You saw through my disguise, huh? Well, no worries. You all will perish now." Seraph Nine said, accumulating great magical power!

 ***Seraph Nine is preparing something...**

"Oh crap! Run, friend!" Brad urged Painter to advance in the opposite direction.

He tried too, but is stopped by a burst of heat and cold. "Guh..!"

 ***Reimu used Fantasy Heaven!**

Reimu charged in at Seraph Nine, six yin-yang orb orbiting her.

The Seraph looked calmly, as she received the blows.

Twing~

After the sixth blow, all of Reimu's yin-yang orbs light up. "Fantasy Heaven!"

 _"Absolute Freeze ~ Absolute Zero"_

 ***Seraph Nine used Absolute Zero!**

The attacks released a great bomb of magic, blasting both outsiders from the area _with the force of both attacks combined._

Taking the full blunt of the attack, Painter was pushed across the Hakurei Daikekkai several times, before crashing into the forest.

 ***Painter took 693790 Damage!**

"..." He cannot move. He cannot call for help. He cannot do anything to save himself. He cannot feel. He cannot smell. He cannot even _see._

Yet, there's still hope. If he cannot save himself...

"Hmm? An Outsider, on the brink of death... I suppose I should ask how he's in such a state... Oh silly me, he can't talk. Then I suppose, I must do this."

 *** ??? used Ancient Eastern Revival!**

 ***Painter is saved from the brink of death!**

"Hmm... I suppose he'll need time to recover."

*--*CHAPTER END*--*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 6 ATK 75 DEF 0 HP 150 MP 24

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Good Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. With the Output Controller, able to manipulate the flow of paint. 30 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. 10 Storage. (2/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

o=

Outsiders in Party: 1

• M.S. Painter

Pure Emeralds: 0

Legendary Weapons: 0

 **Parodyist's Note** Sorry for not having one in like a week.

Anyways, enter Seraph Cirno. Stupidly powerful, but you'll know why in an eternity later. Ask Kaguya if you wanna know.

Like, she's powerful enough to _counter Fantasy Heaven_...Anyways, hope you enjoy. Also, stupid moblie app unable to obliterate guest reviews. And not saving my page layouts.


	8. Ancient Medic

(in which we lewd the maiden)

"Uuuuugggaaa..." Painter jumped up with a jolt-

POW! To hit a low ceiling.

"..." A strange doctor is across him, taking notes on something. It seems he was in a strange-looking bed.

"Uh... What happened?"

"..." He gestured to a computer screen, where a tape begin playing...

*-*FREAKIN RECORDINGS*-*

 _"Fantasy Heaven!" Reimu shouted._

 _"Absolute Sign ~ Absolute Zero."_

 _The sudden burst of magic obliterated the village, blowing everything away from the conflicting magic. Suddenly, however..._

 _ **"Freeze."**_

 _At that moment, all of the yin-yang orbs froze, and falls limply to the ground. Without the holy force protecting her, Reimu is quickly trapped in a blast of lethal ice magic._

 _Bloop! She blinks out of existence, only to flicker back still inside the range of the attack._

 _"Ahg!" Reimu is smacked by magic from all sides. After the barrage, she falls unconscious._

 _"Die, descendant of Hakurei."_ _The Seraph summoned an ice greatsword, ready to deal the final blow..._

 _Suddenly, something dragged Reimu away from the battlefield!_

 _Clang! She falls into a hatch, which then closed._

 _"Tch. She got away... somehow." Seraph Nine gritted her teeth, then changed into her 'little fairy form'._

*-*FREAKIN PARODIES*-*

"..." The doctor then points to another bed, like Painter's. A naked girl with brown hair seems to be sleeping...

 _'Wait, is that-'_ Painter quickly turned back to the doctor. "Is that... her?"

"..." The doctor nodded slowly, then brought up a handwritten chart in front of Painter.

 **—*RANDOM CHARTS***

 **Name: Reimu**

 **Gender: Female.**

 **Race: Human**

 **Magical Affinity: Holy**

 **Notes: Extremely low body temperature. Requires exposure to hot air for 24 hours naked. (Fixed.)**

 **Extremely high blood loss. Fix with patching herbs and blood creation-helping plant leaves. (Fixed.)**

 **Coma. Resume revival bed until unneeded.**

"...There's too many things here!" Painter shouted at the random charts.

He finally looked around the room. There was just a small room with no doors and one computer screen.

"Hrn~h..." The girl's form twitched.

Painter suddenly noticed what is going to happen next. "This isn't good..."

"ok" And with that, the doctor pressed a switch, fell into a hatch, and closed it immediately after.

"Hey!" Painter looked at the hatch, and back at Reimu.

She looked at Painter, suddenly looked back at herself, and started to blush a deep red.

"I... cannot explain, sadly." Painter backed away from her.

Fwam! Fwam! Fwam!

*-*Makes me wonder if that could count as a lewd scene*-*

Finally calming down, Reimu fall onto her knees. "Hah, hah, hah..."

Suddenly, the stupidly robotic voice echoed out. "I believe I have no need to heal you, M. S. Painter."

Painter attempted to jump up, but is still weakened by the barrage. "Y-you!"

The robot continues. "You know, I've also made this place Anti-Magic and Anti-Ability. There's actually no escape if you're just ramming into each other like that."

Reimu's eyes flared up, and launched beams of mass destruction from her eyes.

...A death stare, so to speak. However, she's just staring at the moniter.

"Oof." The robot said calmly.

Also, it's now a naked Painter and a naked Reimu in an isolated room, with a camera, a voice recorder, a moniter, the two beds, and the robot. Presumably, the doctor is also watching.

"...So, what happened?" Painter tried small talk, attempting to divert his gaze away from his companion as much as possible.

Reimu huffed. "That fairy... she is so much stronger... How can she even _halt_ the power of Fantasy Heaven?"

"Let's watch the replay." The robot offered. It replays the exact time Fantasy Heaven stopped working: the yin-yang balls suddenly stopped by an unknown power.

"That power... that isn't Cirno's own power..!" Reimu gritted her teeth. "Who the hell could do this kind of thing!?"

The robot does a recorded audible sigh. "How am I supposed to know? I only have one clue as of recent."

Painter looked up at the robot in interest. "A clue?"

"Yes. Seraph Nine's body is only one-ninth native to Gensokyo, which has the properties of Cirno herself. It is likely that Seraph Nine is not just Cirno herself." The robot said. "Also, your clothes are under the revival beds."

They both looked under the bed, and indeed there they are.

"The Ancient Medic may've saved you once, but there might not be another chance to recover both of you. He is currently trying his best to disrupt Seraph Nine's influence on this plane of existence." The robot explained. "You both are not special, and certainly aren't the only pair of opposite genders sitting naked side-by-side."

Painter finally finished wearing his outfit. "Thanks for _that_. I sure hope you didn't film us."

The robot did a laugh. "I suppose that'll be impossible. I can, however, erase time periods of the film where nothing goes wrong."

Reimu dusted her maiden uniform, before doing something.

Boom! The nearby wall broke down, revealing the usual landscapes of Gensokyo.

"Let's go, Painter. We need not waste more time, for I am now sure Gensokyo is at risk." Reimu loked at Painter intensely, her iris never breaking out of a tone of red.

*-*FREAKIN PARODIES*-*

"I mean, sure... I know you wanted to beat up Cirno again, but... Isn't it too early? I mean, you can't fight Cirno even after you put everything into your greatest attack." Painter spoke softly, while they run back to the shrine.

...By they, I mean him alone. Because Reimu's flying.

"Yeah, yeah. That's why I'm running over there. There's probably at _least_ three people there that could fight." Reimu sighed, as she grazed another tree branch.

Tic!

Soon enough, they reached the dreaded Hakurei stairs. "This formidable enemy is able to tire even the most strong of Youkai." is written in a plywood sign besides it.

"Ah." Painter looked at the angelic(?) flight of stairs.

Fwoosh! Suddenly, a gale lifted him up, and lifted him across the entire thing. "Huh."

"Yo ho ho, dude! You ain't climbing that shit anytime soon without fainting!" Brad is upstairs, waving his wind hanger around. Typhoon Carrier, was it?

Reimu walked up the stairs for some reason, instead of flying.

In the shrine, several people are gathering around. T-Man's making T-posing dirt mannequins, while Marisa jumps around the shrine. A drunk little girl with horns is sleeping peacefully under the kotatsu. The maid from before is holding up a pink umbrella for a young girl with bat wings, with a purple-haired girl in pajamas by the side.

And there's the same medic from before, scanning the landscapes of Gensokyo.

"It seems the crowd of misfits have all been gathered." Irma Grese poked out from behind the shrine. "Now, let's discuss battle plans."

*--*Chapter End*--*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 6 ATK 75 DEF 0 HP 150 MP 24

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Good Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. With the Output Controller, able to manipulate the flow of paint. 30 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. 10 Storage. (2/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

PARTY: If I write them all, this chapter would be out a week later.

 **Parodyist's Note:**

Hello, school.

While the next chapter should be a Gap Chapter, it's actually a little comic written on Danmaku Paradise.

Which means it'll arrive near instantaneously.

And now, the Parodyist should prepare for his science project. And actually writing the party members.


	9. Gap Oneshot: LINE WARS

(LINE WARS: A six-word fiction parody.)

A long time ago, in a chatroom far, far away, there was a Russian man named Boris Skydiver, who lived peacefully in a farm with his uncle, Un Owen on the dusty planet of Flufftooine.

One day, Imperialists from an Empire attacked the planet for its rebelling by arresting anyone suspected for rebellion. Boris, not accepting this technique, secretly seeks out the legendary pizza, which is rumored to be able to summon a love-coloured ordinary magician to overthrow the Emperor, Darth Trump.

Meanwhile, Darth Trump has captured Princess Pitch and built a wall around her castle to prevent people from trying to assassinate the princess. However, the princess died anyways due to the terrible effects of food poisoning. Darth Trump is sad because Princess Pitch sent away his porn stash and never told him where.

He followed the stash to Boris Skydiver, who at that moment was currently training with Master Toyota, the last great sage of the love-coloured art. The Master looked like a Prius, but is secretly Mima in disguise.

All other love-coloured sages were killed by Darth Trump's power, except one female love-coloured master named Luther and the great Mima herself, obviously.

Mima finally teaches Boris a special attack that rivals even Trump's power, "The Forbidden Six Words Technique", which requires the user exactly six words involving catboys, traps, servants, and gayness. She stayed behind to fight Trump when he invaded planet Dagobaps, ultimately resulting in Boris successfully escaping, at the cost of her life.

Boris reluctantly continue his love-coloured practice and rescued master Xion from the grasps of the bounty hunter Java the Huff before her death in a battle against Darth Trump. Boris found Master Luther from Master Xion's last words, who revealed there was a planet named thoth where he and the rebellion planned an assault on Darth Trump's base, OwO Star. They are greeted by Marisa, a violent terrorist armed with mini hakkeros who will be a lead pilot in the assault against the base.

the assault against the OwO star went smoothly because Luther and Marisa threw self-detonating hakkeros at it and it exploded in a spectacular lightshow which obliterated the OwO star swiftly.

What they didn't know was that it was actually loss all along and Flamy gets killed for loss.

Anyways, the Darth Trump still has the ability to summon Satan himself with the Magic Pizza Cutter from the planet Nabendor where a quick Boris actually steals the legendary pizza that summoned the magician, named Sparda.

However, Marisa emerged and explained herself that she sought Sparda's power to overthrow Trump, but instead replaces Sparda. Sparda, in Marisa's body, attacked Darth Trump with all their might, but without Boris or Luther, Sparda was losing. They asked Boris to use the technique.

"Astolfo is gay, you are a cat. Servants are boundless, yet you'll die here. Begone, Thot!" He said.

Suddenly, a massive love-coloured blast sends a shockwave to Nabendor, as Darth Trump fall, revealing his true name; [Profound Thotness, the lowest of thots, also known as [Trump "Fairy" Skydiver]. Boris is ready to fight Trump, but Trump reveals that he is actually Boris's father, and he can't let Boris kill him, yet Boris do so anyways.

The true mastermind is revealed to be Bara Tiddy, who is the husbando of Kero and the one who misguided Fairy into becoming Chaldea's best master candidate, and the one who made Reimu a Saber class servant, surprisingly.

They are confounded about this revelation, and trapped Bara Tiddy in Thoth's caves, and introduced him to the Globglogabgalab.

The Globglogabgalab threw books at Tiddy, sealing Tiddy in the ruins of the cave of Thoth for eternity.

*FREAKIN PARODIES*

"That's one stupid story." Painter pointed out the obvious.

*--*CHAPTER END*--*

 **Parodyist's Note: After this, Gap Chapters will be on chapters divisible by five.**

 **And now, the Parodyist studies.**


	10. Oriental Liberation: Scarlet

(in which the party increases fourfold.)

"So, we will be fighting Seraph Nine, a stupidly buffed Cirno capable of halting Fantasy Heaven, dealing _at least_ one half of our HP bar as damage for one hit, and capable of freezing anything." Brad summed up. "...We're fucked."

"And you know what happens when we're fucked. On three... one... two..." T-Man started.

 _ **"GOD DAMMIT YUKARI!"**_ The party shouted in unison.

...Silence.

"My, my... Is that a summoning chant for me? How rude~..." A girl wearing a purple dress walks out from a tearing in space, prompt with a parasol. "Atleast could you change it to-"

 _ **"No."**_ The party said in sync.

"...Joking aside, I do have a countermeasure." Yukari flipped off her fan. "Do you all know of the existence of Gensokyo's Reality Globe?"

The crowd went silent.

"...Reality Globe?" Reimu asked.

Yukari nodded. "An item, alongside the power of Hakurei, needed to sustain the Great Hakurei Barrier. I afraid it has gone missing, however."

Brad made an 'o' face. "Ooh. Wait, how is it missing from _your_ perspective?"

Yukari looked to the side. "Very carelessly."

T-Man frowned. "And where can we get this... 'Reality Globe'?"

Yukari shrugged. "I wouldn't know. Only Kiyoko Hakurei knows of its whereabouts."

Reimu glared back. "Do _not_ remind me of her." She summoned the six signature yin-yang orbs of Fantasy Heaven.

Yukari flopped her fan back on. "Fufufu... I suppose I should say 'nobody knows of its whereabouts' then. Will-kun!"

*-*FREAKIN FOURTH WALL:REWINDING*-*

T-Man frowned. "And where can we get this... 'Reality Globe'?"

Yukari shrugged. "Not even I know of its whereabouts."

Reimu stood, forgetting her jaw on the floor. "WHAT!?"

The medic looked over, sipping tea. "...ok."

Yukari flopped over her fan. "My time here is up. Toodaloo..." She performed a double backflip into the gap, which promptly catches her.

"Wow, that worked?" Brad looked at the empty space.

"Wait, you mean you doubt that'll work?" Painter asked.

Reimu shrugged. "Well, you see, she's not the kind to tell something without complicating her words in the process. It's my first time seeing her like that."

T-Man looked up. "How many people should we gather to go beat up Seraph Nine, anyways?"

"All of them." Brad said. "Also, we should go see if anywhere's been affected by her throwing everything to shit."

 **Chapter 1-2**

 **Oriental Liberation:Scarlet**

"Wait a second, that reminds me..." The vampire, quiet during the entire thing, raised a hand. "My mansion is being attacked right now!"

The maid vanished and reappeared in another place. "There seem to be ice golems and other weapons assaulting major locations in Gensokyo, too."

Reimu slammed the kotatsu. "That's it. We're going now."

*-*Oriental Liberation: Scarlet*-*

In front of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, many figures emerge.

Reimu Hakurei, the Shrine Maiden of Paradise.

Sakuya Izayoi, the Perfect and Elegant Maid.

T-Man, the T-Posing Former Terrorist.

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

Irma Grese, the Satanic Loli Barkeeper.

Suika Ibuki, the Oni of Pandemonium.

Brad, the Holder of Too Many Titles, and Professor Plant Hanger.

In front of them is a bounded field, the mansion inside discolored to a monotone. Thousands of emotionless icy figures guard around the barrier, many weapons in hand.

"CHARGE!" Brad shouted, summoning Flammenbügel, Typhoon Carrier, and a sharp-edged plant hanger.

 **"Lovebound Heart! Quadruple Spark!"** Marisa shouted, spraying gigantotechnicolorized lasers everywhere.

"Get outta my way!" Painter shouted, spraying paint all over the field.

Whack! He hit one icy swordsman.

Krr~. Suddenly, ten ice cannons emerge from the barrier.

 **"Private Square!"** Sakuya declared, creating two bounded fields around the party.

Wham! Reimu's gohei smacked an ice mage into the Square, freezing it in time.

Marisa's gigantotechnicolorized lasers still pass through the timefreezing square like it's not even there, obliterating any ice figures in its path.

"Hmm, this is unhelpful." T-Man waved away the Square into a T-cut and walked through, the barrier reforming shortly after. "Now, let's do this.

Zzzz... Both spell cards fade out.

 _"Flame Tornado!"_ Brad held up both hangers.

The flaming vortex engulfs the entire ice army, causing them to vanish.

KROOM! KROOM! An ice titan emerged from the barrier, looking down on the flame tornado.

THOOM! It punches the tornado, causing it to disperse.

"Oh ho ho..." Brad looked at the titan.

 **Ice Titan - 1200 ATK 5000 DEF** **10000 HP**

 **Guardian of the Scarlet Branch.**

THOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOOM! The robot rumbled its arms at the party.

Another hanger flew out of the sack, guardin against all of the attacks. This one looks glassy.

Brad pockets the glassy hanger. "Flight!"

 ***T-Man and Brad is enabled flight!**

"T-Power!" T-Man said, as the ice titan's left punch go straight for him.

 ***T-Man used T-Power!**

 ***Ice Titan attacks!**

 ***Ice Titan took 120 Damage!**

The T-shaped magic circle cut apart the icy fist, rendering it useless immediately.

"Talk about a weak spot." Brad looked at the titan's left fist.

 **"Final Spark!"** Marisa sent out a megagigantotechnicolorized laser, but it passed through the robot causing nothing. After all, it IS ice.

Drip. It does melt, though.

Painter looked at the wide crack inside the somehow still usable left fist. "Hah!" He sprayed paint into it.

Brad noticed, and decided to add his own twist into it. "Flame Salvo!"

Flammenbügel blows forth a big swirl of flame.

The giant decided the bitchslap the flames with its right hand.

BOOM! The paint inside the hand exploded, rendering the bitchslapping useless, and the flames directly confronting the titan.

 ***Ice Titan took 600 Damage!** "Hrreaaa~ghhh..." The titan gripped its arm, then started accumulating power in its right hand. "Kaaaaa..."

 ***Ice Titan gathers energy!** "..!" Brad started approaching in the opposite direction.

"Chaos Root!" Irma Grese swung her scissors in a downward motion.

 ***Irma used Chaos Root!**

 ***Several binding tree roots appear underneath Ice Titan's feet!**

"We should prepare a defensive countermeasure." Painter suggested.

"Ah, no worries." Brad shrugged it off, then switched Typhoon Carrier and the sharp-edged hanger with the glassy hanger.

 **"Maid Secret Skill! Marionette!"** Sakuya summoned a thousand knives in random directions, most of which hit the titan because of its gigantic hitbox.

 ***Ice Titan took 845 Damage!**

"Haaaaaa..." The power in its hand become larger and more destructive.

"Fall back!" T-Man warned. "My T-power can't deflect this attack!"

Brad facepalmed. "C'mere, son."

"No."

Painter looked at the burst of power, then turned his valve to max.

The burst of paint only adds to the power in the hand, now ready to fire.

Everyone suddenly crowded together, ready to avoid the assault or atleast guard against it.

"†-Power!" "Mirror Plane!"

 ***Brad used Mirror Plane!**

 ***A sheet of near unbreakable mirror appeared!**

 ***T-Man used †-Power!**

 ***The mirror changed shape!**

Suddenly, the mirror changed its shape into a pyramid, with its top pointed at the Ice Titan.

"HAAAAAAAA!"

 ***Ice Titan used KaXXhaXXha!**

vrrr~. The sound is so loud, the fourth wall gave multiple earrape warnings.

A giant blast of magic the size of the titan itself blasted towards the pyramid mirror.

"AAAAAAAAAA" The party quickly covered their ears.

The pyramid quickly shrinks, but it can still hold against the attack.

The blast hitting the pyramid branched into a cross shape, blasting off to somewhere.

 ***Great Hakurei Barrier took 99999 Damage!**

 ***Unfortunate Background Mook took 99999 Damage!**

 ***UBM is instagibbed!**

Finally, the KaXXhaXXha died.

Suika took a swig. "Tha's ih, ima takh'le this big guy." She suddenly appeared to be as high as the titan.

THATHATHATHOOM! The two titans clash, sending shards of ice flying off.

However, the ice titan is still bound by the Chaos Root, causing it to be unable to fight with its full strength.

THOOM! Suika's punch sent it falling to the ground.

 ***Ice Titan took a total of 9000 Damage from the barrage!**

 ***Ice Titan entered Panic Mode!**

 ***It's HP rises to 500!**

"Tch..." Reimu looked at it worryingly. "Panic Mode!"

"No worries!" Brad chucked a metallic hanger with a NERF gun attached to it on one side, and two black-and-white hangers on the other.

 **BOOM!** ***Ice Titan is destroyed!**

The border around the Scarlet Devil Mansion finally fade, revealing the mansion doors in ruin.

"We should do this, fast!" Remilia flew into the mansion.

She didn't even do anything against the ice golems.

*-*Chapter End.*-*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 13 ATK 140 DEF 30 HP 500 MP 50

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Good Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. With the Output Controller, able to manipulate the flow of paint. 30 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. 10 Storage. (2/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

PARTY:

I will probably never list this.

Reimu, Marisa, Sakuya, Remilia, Irma, Brad, T-Man, Suika, Painter.

 **Parodyist's Note:** **I need a party sheet asap.** **I realized, if I do the thing entirely, the chapters will be roughly equal to 3k-4k words. So I don't.** **The 1k-2k wordrange is good for me.** **The Parodyist shall now sleep after continuous stress over the party sheet, including Reimu's 69 Spell Cards.**


	11. This chapter has 999 words

(in which a nine-person party almost fail.)

"Hey, where're we going!?" Marisa asked, flying through the corridor.

"Voile. From there we should find Remilia soon enough." Reimu said.

"This reminds me of the old days!" Brad mused.

"Why are these corridors so _long?_ It certainly doesn't seem that long from the outside." Painter asked.

"It is a consequence of my abilities." Sakuya answered calmly.

Some wierd-looking fairies encountered the party. "You shall not pass."

Brad stepped back. "Y'know, you should try to grind a bit! All you actually fight against are the big guns!"

Painter rushed towards the fairies, both brushes in hand.

Through some awkward smacking motions, he quickly blinded the fairies.

BANG. Suddenly, a bullet flew by, killing them all instantly.

Brad pockets his NERF gun. "There."

 **Painter's LV rises to** **14!**

Soon enough, they encounter a double door. "This is it."

Marisa quickly surged inside, but is halted by a pink potion breaking in front of her. "Eh!?"

"Hehehehehe~ You lot only noticed _now_ , of all times? My, how late you are." A charming feminine voice rang out.

"!?" Brad looked at his back.

 **Little Devil LV20**

"Too bad. That vampire will be swayed by our savior's words real soon." Koakuma laughed. "But first, you lot. _Charm_ "

Caught off guard, the entire party failed to divert their gazes.

One by one, they fall to the ground, aroused.

"Hehehe, that was easy. I should send them to the Sersph soon." Koakuma playfully giggled to herself, but noticed an abnormality. "...What?"

One person stood tall. The man with several syringes, a lab coat, and glasses stared at Koakuma, unmoving. "..."

"Ghh..! _Sleep!"_ Koakuma shouted annoyingly.

 ***Ancient Medic is unaffected!**

The entire party fell asleep, still aroused.

"..." The Medic raised a card from his pockets.

 **Medical Theory "Threshold of Medicine"**

Pellet danmaku circles the Medic, which then scattered all around the room in spiraling patterns. At that moment...

"Oh shiiieeuutt!" Brad stood up with a jolt, rushing towards Koakuma with three plant hangers flying after him.

BOOM! The bomb hanger blows Koakuma into several bookshelves.

"N-not you toooo~!" She cried out, clearly shocked at the series of events.

The entire party wakes up, the spell put earlier quickly broken. "Gaaa~h..."

"..." The Medic looked at the rising party.

"W-where..?" Reimu looked around. "O-oh. _Oh._ " She scanned the surroundings for a possible Koakuma.

"Hmm." Sakuya frowned.

T-Man T-poses.

Suika yawned. "Five more minutes..."

Irma Grese looked at Brad. "Son."

Koakuma rises up from the rubble. "D-damn... you..!"

The party quickly got out their greatest spell cards and weapons.

"Master Spark!" "Fantasy Seal!" "Killing Doll!" "Fallen Comrade!" "Chaos Oath!" "T-Barrage!"

"honh honh honh" A nearby fluffle in a fluffle stand honhed. It wasn't there before, too.

"I need wares, and quick." Painter slammed the counter.

The fluffle nodded, laying several models across. "random status painter! when painted, inflict a random amount of random status to the target! twenty thousand yen."

"flamebrush! blows flame through the air. ten thousand yen."

"brush of greens! gives regen statuses to your friend! ten thousand yen."

"dirtbrush! turns painted things to dirt. ten thousand yen."

Brad went up to the fluffle. "Give him all of it, yo." He put fifty thousand yen onto the counter.

The fluffle stared at him, fins raised. Then, it swipes everything out of the counter.

Ding! Instead of being a meter long, these brushes are around half a ruler, except the RSP which is double that size.

Painter swiped all of the things into his backpack. "Why do you think we need all these junk?"

Brad pointed to a random aisle of shelves-

Fwoom~! Suddenly, a massive torrent of random magical energy surges out.

Ekaj Llessur smashed into a bookshelf in the back. "Y-you..!"

They all looked at him blankly. "I don't think Chaos Oath will even _feed_ on him." Irma said in the same expression.

Suddenly, Ekaj's eyes snapped forward, as he summoms a wall of spikes over spikes.

Fwoom~! The same blast of raw energy blasted into the wall, obliterating it and sending Ekaj flying.

"W-woah..." Brad stepped back a few feet.

In front of the group, a humanlike figure came out. A purple haired girl in pajamas, with a golden glove on her right hand. On it are 6 stones of various colors lining to form a pentagram woth one stone in the her left hand is a magic symbol of some sort, resembling Seraph Nine's form.

"For my Savior." She said calmly.

*-*CHAPTER END*-*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 14 ATK 150 DEF 35 HP 550 MP 55

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Good Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. With the Output Controller, able to manipulate the flow of paint. 30 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. Currently. 10 Storage. (7/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A meter long brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

• Random Status Painter: a normal-looking brush that radiates with metallic energy. 10 ATK.

• Brush of Greens: A brush with a green handle. Heal party members, but otherwise act as a normal paint brush. 10 ATK.

• Fire Brush: A brush with an orange handle. Blows flame. 10 ATK.

• Dirt Brush: A brush that feels like sand. Paints dirt. 10 ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

PARTY:

I will probably never list this.

Reimu, Marisa, Sakuya, Medic, Irma, Brad, T-Man, Suika, Painter.

 **Parodyist's Note:**

I **don't like how short this turns out, but hey. Plot's a plot.** **...Just kidding. The thing is that I can't lengthen the Koakuma fight.**

Well **, the Parodyist shall now actually do something good for his education.**

...Wait a second, this thing isn't a thousand words yet!!!


	12. The Great Mima's Cosmic Hyperseal

(in which... ...)

"For my Savior."

Suddenly, all of the stones light up.

 ***Patchouli used Elemental Gauntlet!**

The girl snapped her fingers.

BOAM!! Suddenly, the right half of the library burst up in magical blasts caused by the conflicting elements.

"Cautionary-"

"Cross-"

"Mirror-"

"-Barrier!"

"-Power!"

"-Plane!"

The triple defense barely guarded against the Gauntlet's power approaching from the right, only redirecting it several inches away from the barrier.

Within moments, the party jumps into action. Dances of lethal bullets emerge, while the Outsiders struggle to keep up with the attacks from all directions, both ally's and enemy's.

This is probably why the Spell Card rules are intended to be one on one.

"Catch!" Brad tossed several stars at Painter. "It's good stuff!"

Painter took a bite at the star-shaped candy. "Mm. _. My favourite flavor." He then got hit by several stars into his back.

T-Man seems to have problems getting on the offense more than trying to defend, most of the danmaku flying towards him cut in T-shapes and redirected.

"Agh!" T-Man fired off a bullet, but it quickly disperses into a T-shape and flied off elsewhere but.

Brad looked up, and around the library. "I~ don't think we can escape this one."

True to his words, the area is surrounded by a big impenetrable-looking barrier of rainbow colors.

FWOOSH!! Patchouli's attack flied off, the three outsiders barely grazing it. "Owowow..." Painter hissed.

Brad pointed his hanger to the sky, and spreads of rectangle danmaku fly across!

Patchouli's Elemental Gauntlet lights up a deep blue, and starts blasting water at the party of outsiders.

 ***Patchouli used Water Stone!**

"Firewall!" Brad casted, a wall of fire rising between him and the attacking torrent of water.

Fwwssshhhh... The flames started dying down...

"You suck." Irma pointed out. "Chaos Root."

Just after the firewall is extinguished completely, innumerable roots shield the party from the water torrent.

"Son." Brad looked at the chaotic work done.

"The battle isn't over, it's not time to do the ratings!" T-Man scurried over at Patchouli, holding the shovel in front of him.

 ***Patchouli used Fire Stone!**

"Ice Pillar!" Brad pointed the triple hanger at the predicted incoming attack.

FWOOM! A great big fat hurricane of fire pointed towards the shovel outsider-

KRING! A pillar of ice appeared between the opposing attacks.

BOOM BOOM PROO-KRANG! The ice pillar, receiving the attack in full force, breaks down immediately.

Vrrr~! A Master Spark went off in the distance, hitting the magician.

Fwoom-Fwoom-Fwoom!! Folllowed by several rings of rainbow yin-yang orbs that close in on her.

Sh-sh-shing! After then, a sphere of knives surround.

Wooosh! Finally, a black hole formed above and below her.

Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Kring! Woosh! Kring! Bam!

The magician's body falls down, receiving full damage from four spell cards in a row after a barrage of lethal bullets.

"Typhoon Carrier..." Brad muttered, the wind hanger for appearing by his side, floating and letting out a heavy aura.

Patchouli jumped back up, and blasted the ceiling of the library away with her Gauntlet.

"Fallen Comrade..." He continued, the two hangers now twirling around him in a circular motion.

Patchouli noticed Brad, but is distracted by the girls shooting more stuff at her.

"Dihydrogen Monoxide..." A water hanger flew up, adding to the conflicting aura around the outsider.

"You..!" Patchouli pointed her Elemental Gauntlet at Brad.

"..!" Marisa noticed the glove, and started flying towards Patchouli throwing out more stars.

"Flammenbügel..!" Brad's preparations are complete.

 ***Patchouli used Elemental Gauntlet!**

The same blast of elements blow out to Brad. When he noticed, it was already too late..!

"Shiiee-" Brad could only say so much before closing his eyes, waiting for his demise.

 **BOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!**

At the moment he opened his eyes, he notices the attack being blocked by a certain person.

 ***...But Marisa takes the attack!**

 ***Marisa took 99999 Damage!**

The witch smiled at the magician. "Y-you know, Patchy... That glove looks soooo e-expensive..."

"...A shame if someone were to erase it." She finished, taking out a black-and-green device. "Haha, sorry-ze... I-I don't really... feel good right now..." She activated the device.

 ***Marisa used The Great Mima's Cosmic Hyperseal!**

 ***Elemental Gauntlet is sealed!**

Right after that, she flopped to the ground, not having enough power to even stand up.

"MARISA!!!" Reimu shouted, rushing over to the fallen witch.

Painter looked in shock, while Medic lowered his head.

Even Patchouli looked a little bit fazed, but didn't do anything else.

Marisa's form suddenly lights up in a flash of light, and slowly got brighter and brighter...

...in a blast of dazzling rainbows, Brad could only imagine he is near the Sanzu. The River on his right only adds to this.

However, what he didn't imagine is that, there is a lone girl in front of him.

Marisa smiles at him. Her witch hat is not on, letting her blonde hair flow around in the wind. "...Hello again, Brad."

He looked at her in confusion. "Wait, why the frik am I at the side of the Sanzu? Am I dead? Are we all dead by that Infinity Gauntlet ripoff!?"

Marisa giggled. "My, you look good like that. But you're very very wrong."

A certain woman with a scythe came to the two on a wooden boat. "Alright, how the fuck are _you_ dead."

The young witch looked at Brad. "I believe that they will win. Please, make it true, Brad. That is my farewell to Gensokyo... for now! I'll get back later, I just know it-ze!"

He smiled back reluctantly. "Yeah, yo... Be seeing you..."

She stepped up to the boat, and drifted off. "Make sure you beat up Patchouli _real good-ze_!!"

Brad blinked, and suddenly he's in the library again.

Reimu is crying. Painter is sulking. Medic just have his head down.

"..." Brad looked at Patchouli, then at the four hangers he summoned.

Then, he walked up to Patchouli. _"For my friend who have fallen._

She walked up to him. _"For my savior."_

 **"Quadruple Hanga!!" "Philosopher's Stone!"**

*--*End of Chapter*--*


	13. Too lazy to think of a name, too

(in which the Professor Plant Hanger gets the MVP.)

 **"Quadruple Hanga!" "Philosopher's Stone!"**

After those words are said, both of them unleash an attack almost equal to a magnitude under the Gauntlet's ultimate power (Which is still a lot, by the way). Many swarms of danmaku flood the arena, the other outsiders getting hit by collateral.

"Negligible power." Patchouli said coldly.

Brad, now wielding all four hangers of elements, rushes against Patchouli blasting danmaku in four colors.

"Shine!" She casted, a bright light engulfing the library.

However, Brad's rush didn't stop, as he smacks the magician to the side unnaturally accurately. "Ghh!"

As Patchouli blasts danmaku in point blank range-

"Huargh!" Brad jumps up-

Boing. Then jumps again-

bong. Then jumps a third time-

Thud. And lands on a stray bookshelf. "It's over, Patchy! I have the high ground!"

Patchouli started radiating a pale blue aura. "You underestimate my power." She answered coldly.

Brad hold his hangers out, and shakes his head slightly. "Don't try it."

The two looked at each other intently, and then-

Fwoom! The mage flew up and attempted to blast him with her Philosopher's Stones-

BOOM! Brad pointed the hanger downwards, towards the mage with no ways to defend.

The mage spirals down, her magic shattering. "W-why... you..!"

He drops down dramatically. "I thought of you as a comrade, Patchouli. I know what happened from first glance. And, I owe you. From the past, I owe you for teaching me the very first magical spell I know. I have never been able to repay you back then." He flicked his hands, and created a fireball. "Don't worry, I'll get you free."

 ***Brad used World's Wimpiest Fireball!**

 ***Patchouli is defeated!**

Her blue Seraph Nine symbol slowly faints.

"..." Then, he collapsed.

*-*FREAKIN PARODIES*-*

"Ow..." Painter rises up from getting hit.

"Ugh... that is NOT fun." T-Man shook his head.

"..." Medic looked at the two, and shrugged.

"We have to go, and fast." Reimu, from the corner of the room, walked up, her friend's mini-hakkero in hand. "Let's make haste."

The party followed quietly, as she opened up a door. "This should be where that brat's going." The shrine maiden said, emotionless.

After that, it's stairs all the way down. The party walked on, no words exchanged.

Creak. The sound of a door opening.

As they arrive in the room, a battle is already taking place.

Broken dolls scatter across the room, flames lingering on the walls.

Near the ceiling, three shadows are seen.

Remilia Scarlet throws her spear. "Spear the Gungnir!"

Flandre Scarlet swings her big flame sword. "Lævateinn!"

Seraph Nine, in her ice fairy form, holds out both hands in the shape of a butterfly.

...Suddenly, the two weapons get stopped and frozen in place.

"...What?" Remilia looked at her weapon. "I-I can't... Move..?"

Just as Seraph Nine start to get rid of the two vampires, Brad throw a hanger at her.

Boom! Boom! Boom! The hanger stopped in mid air, and started Manhattaning the fairy.

"Ugh!" The seraph disappeared.

*-*Chapter End because I'm lazy.*-*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 20 ATK 200 DEF 65 HP 1000 MP 100

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Good Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. With the Output Controller, able to manipulate the flow of paint. 30 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. Currently. 10 Storage. (7/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A meter long brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

• Random Status Painter: a normal-looking brush that radiates with metallic energy. 10 ATK.

• Brush of Greens: A brush with a green handle. Heal party members, but otherwise act as a normal paint brush. 10 ATK.

• Fire Brush: A brush with an orange handle. Blows flame. 10 ATK.

• Dirt Brush: A brush that feels like sand. Paints dirt. 10 ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

PARTY:

I will probably never list this.

Reimu, Marisa, Sakuya, Medic, Irma, Brad, T-Man, Suika, Painter.


	14. Gap Chapter! Brad, Painter, and T-Man

(in which... uh... hey, this is a character sheet!)

 **Name:** Brad

 **Romaji:** ブラッド

 **Title:** Professor Plant Hanger, Realizes All His Titles In FG Doesn't Apply.

 **Appearance:** What, you dont know him? Go read the entire FREAKIN GENSOKYO until around chapter 109 or so. Actually, chapter one would do the job.

 **Abilities:**

• Fire Summoner - Effects vary. A spell cast by imagining varying shapes of fire. All of them deal fire damage, and may cause ‹Burn›.

— World's Wimpiest Fireball - The first spell he learned. Usable by imagining a ball of fucking fire and throwing it. Cost the least mana in his entire arsenal.

— World's Wimpiest Fire Stream - Charge... and... unleash! This spell is just a miniature flamethrower, by the way.

— Flame Fountain - Imagine fire erupting from the ground. It's pretty cool. May cause ‹Stagger›.

— Flame Globe - A miniature sun, but with flames. Will explode if not given enough mana, and cause Bomb damage. Brad can maintain this spell for ten seconds at most.

• Quintet Jump - Jump five times! Woohoo!

• Lucky Star - A star falls from the sky, and bonks at the enemy dealing random mediocre Damage. Pray to RNGesus for this.

— Lucky Star Plus - A bigger star falls from the sky, and smashes the enemy dealing random Damage. Same instruction as above.

— Mornstar «Counter! Close Combat» - A dazzling star exterminates despair! All enemies engaging in close combat gets blown away by light and holy power. Plus, cleanse them of all positive effects.

• Scent Pillow - A pillow with the caster's... ahem... fluids materializes. When burned and inhaled, or shoved into people's mouths, may inflict ‹Aroused›.

— Euphoric Pillow - An arousing air surrounds the pillow! May inflict ‹Aroused›. Now we don't have to burn them.

• Water Stream - Uhh, why would _anyone_ need this? Splash enemies with water.

— Water Geyser - ...geyser of water. Send enemies flying, which probably isn't helping.

— Water Lock - Lock a foe in water for a short while. Probably the only useful thing in the entire water arsenal.

• Hangerborne - Summons any hanger in his inventory to his hand.

 **Spell Cards:**

• Modern Legend "Fairy Skullsmasher" - Hangers fall from the sky with extremely high damage, at random.

• Quadruple Hanga «Equip! Four plant hangers» - Requires five turns to activate. Launches a great magic blast at the enemy, then follows with complex danmaku shaped like three crisscrossing tesseracts and three 20-sided polygons.

• Hanger Arcanum "Professor Plant Hanger" - All of Brad's hangers do their own thing, while Brad shoot danmaku in a sphere.

 **Inventory:**

• Hammerspace Sack - Remilia's old 'store anything' bag. Infinite storage, only limited to how wide the bag opens.

• Flammenbügel - Fire hanger that burns even the greatest of sages. Ignores fire resistance.

• Dihydrogen Monoxide - Water Hanger. Pure water. H two O.

• pH_fl0w1ng - Acid Hanger. Note: Must be used with water.

• Typhoon Carrier - Air hanger, casting typhoons since there was one.

• Fallen Comrade - A triple hanger fused together, with its earth affinity shining out most. Jackhammer-like.

• Yakumo Mirror - A hanger made out of what seems like glass. Yes, this belongs to Yukari.

• Ten Billion Bucks - A hanger of pure gold, fitting in a billionaire's mansion. How it ended up with this lunatic is beyond causality.

• Horseman's Rifle - A black hanger attached to a rifle. Or is it the opposite way?

• Bee-Nine-Thousand-Bawmber - A powerful bomb hanger with a NERF gun attached to it. Seemingly holds the power of a nuke inside it.

• Market Gardener - One hundred and ninety-five times the damage of a normal hanger! Performs critical hits while blasted.

• More Random Things - No one knows of the true inventory of this man, not even himself.

*-*SHEET END*-*

 **Name:** M. S. Painter

 **Romaji:** マイクロソフト • ペインター

 **Title:** The Artistic Outsider

 **Appearance:** A yellow-haired man with Isaac Newton's hair. Wears a college uniform. 5'9'' in height, which translates to... 172.5 cm estimate.

 **Abilities:**

• Narratorshift - Switches to narrator mode. Basically a spectator.

 **Spell Cards:**

None.

 **Equipment:**

• «Equipped» Good Paint Brush. Brushes random colors of paint. Controls the amount of paint with the Output Controller attached.

• «Equipped» Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the outside world.

• «Equipped» Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. Currently.

• Spiky Ball: It hurts.

• Giant Brush: A meter long brush that probably isn't used for painting.

• Random Status Painter: a normal-looking brush that radiates with metallic energy.

• Brush of Greens: A brush with a green handle. Heal party members, but otherwise act as a normal paint brush.

• Fire Brush: A brush with an orange handle. Blows flame.

• Dirt Brush: A brush that feels like sand. Paints dirt.

*-*SHEET END*-*

 **Name:** T-Man

 **Romaji:** -

 **Title:** The Village Terrorist, T-posing Enthusiast.

 **Appearance:** A generic T-man with a generic T-hairstyle, a red T-shirt, blue trousers, and a pair of trainers. He also wears a cross.

 **Abilities:**

• T-power «Counter! All attacks except living beings» - Anything thrown towards him while he's using the power gets split by a T-shape, then got redirected away.

— †-power «Counter! All attacks except living beings» - Same as above, but it's a cross instead of a T.

 **Spell Cards**

None.

 **Inventory**

• «Equipped» T-Outfit - Does this need an explanation.

• «Equipped» Shovel with a T-shaped handle - It's a shovel. (Or is it?)

• «Equipped» Coin purse - Contains 12000 yen.

*-*SHEET END*-*

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Oof, that was long.

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ Hmph.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Well, anyways, this _is_ still a Gap Chapter, so... Any thoughts on the entire arc?

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ Badly done. The fights are too short, there isn't that many bosses, and a major canon character _died._

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Eeh, that death was weak.

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ Just the same as the entire story.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Oof.So, uh, what will happen next?

 _Yakumo Yukari:_ They'd repeat this process for every single location in Gensokyo at this point.

 _Kakimasa Will:_ Eh. Not surprising.

 ** _Parodyist:_ Excuse me, I'm trying to grab ideas for the others' inventory.**

 _Both:_ Let's end the chapter here.


	15. Dirt Halation

(in which we reclaim misty lake)

"So." Remilia started, sitting at the head of the _oh so long table_ in her mansion. "Gensokyo's enshrouded in snow and ice."

By the way, Gensokyo's enshrouded in snow and ice.

"Yes." Patchouli sits down on a chair. "Further investigation shows there are _«Seraph Core»_ s lying around all of Gensokyo, causing the unending freeze. The plan is to destroy them and ensure this land returns to normal."

Brad closes a book. "My feeling is that the powerful girls are going to be guarding the cores, willingly or not. We saw what happened to Patchy."

Patchouli smacked shut her book. "Even after two years... I did tell you to not call me Patchy, didn't I?"

Sakuya walks in, holding a tray of varied food and beverages.

"Hmm, if we split up, we might end up dead. But where to go first..." T-Man ponders.

Even in such a room where girls are arguing left and right, the medic remained silent.

"I say..." Painter started. "We go back to the village."

The entire party looked in mild disappointment. "Is that all you can think of?" Reimu sighed.

Brad jumps up on the table. "How 'bout we... Wander around the world with no direction whatsoever?"

*-*FREAKIN PARODIES*-*

And so they did.

"Here we observe a fairy in her natural habitat..." Brad said aloud, flying across the Misty Lake.

 _Their plan is apparently this: Wander, wander, and wander. Keep close to the SDM, because "Enemies become tougher the more you are from the spawn, dude..!", to quote._

"Wait... Oh shieut!" Brad ducked, a bullet of ice grazing his hair.

In front of them, ice fairies emerge, numbering hundreds, all with various classes of weaponry. "W-what the hell..." Painter stood, jaws wide.

Suddenly, a replica of Cirno made out of ice stands before them. "Hahaha, so you were here. No wonder why the Gauntlet has fallen. I will kill you here, mortal."

 **VS Boss: Cirno Vessel**

Brad suddenly changed his hanger to Flammenbügel, and holds out a rifle attached to a hanger. "Riperaga." He nodded, pointing the gun at the ice fairies.

BOOM! Pi-chu~n-

BOOM! Pi-chu~n-

BOOM! Pi-chu~n.

T-Man smacks a fairy or two. "Trumpage."

Pi-Pi-Pi-chu~n. Triple Kill, wow.

Reimu sighed. "Fantasy Seal -Spread-." And it is so.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPi-chu~n!

"Hah!" Painter swiped the Paint Brush-

Kri~ng. The paint froze near instantly, and falls to the ground.

"Geez, you really don't know the basics of this, huh? If something doesn't work..." Brad said, his flame hanger struggling to be lit.

PPPPPPi-chu~n! The flame hanger is now switched with the Bawmber, spraying danmaku hell onto the fairies.

"...You use another." Brad smiles, throwing the Bawmber at the swarm of fairies.

BOOMBANGBANGBOOM! The hanger bounces around four times, clearing many of the fairies. "Wahahah!" Brad reached out his arm, and the Bawmber returns to his hand.

"..." Painter reaches into his bag, thinking of what to use against the Vessel. "..!" He then pulls out, the Dirt Brush.

 ** _BGM:_** RebelTaxi'sCrazy Halation

"Ha~h!" He painted the side of the Cirno Vessel.

Flop. The ice-turned-dirt slumped to the ground, unable to be controlled remotely.

"This power..!" Painter swiped three times without thinking.

Thud. The Cirno Vessel had a line of dirt through its body, cutting it in half and stopping the controlling.

 **Cirno Vessel Defeated.**

Kra-Kroom! Suddenly, the entire ground breaks apart, two figures emerging from the ground.

"Geez, what does it take to- Oh, I'm outside!" Ekaj emerged from the ground, dusting himself. "...Oh, it's you guys."

*-*Chapter End*-*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 20 ATK 200 DEF 65 HP 1000 MP 100

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Good Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. With the Output Controller, able to manipulate the flow of paint. 30 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. Currently. 10 Storage. (7/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A meter long brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

• Random Status Painter: a normal-looking brush that radiates with metallic energy. 10 ATK.

• Brush of Greens: A brush with a green handle. Heal party members, but otherwise act as a normal paint brush. 10 ATK.

• Fire Brush: A brush with an orange handle. Blows flame. 10 ATK.

• Dirt Brush: A brush that feels like sand. Paints dirt. 10 ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

PARTY: A metric fuckton.


End file.
